Relationships are complicated. Most of them are full of heartbreak and confusion and a lot of questions. You spend months (or even years) on somebody, only for it to end with you wondering what went wrong.

Sometimes, however, we find ourselves in relationships that aren’t really “relationships.”

They aren’t controlled by the title, but rather controlled by how you feel about each other. The worst type of relationship is the one that was never really defined. The one that broke you, even when it didn’t have the power to.

A relationship to some people is defined by the “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” word, and some relationships don’t need the title for you to know it was a relationship. You knew it was special between you and that person. You knew how you both felt--the title simply wasn’t necessary… or was it? Why didn’t you two just add the title… did it really make that much of a difference?

Why didn’t it work out? Bad timing? Complicated past? Maybe you two just weren’t right for each other. That’s hard to face. It’s hard to cry over someone and have your friends say, “well, you two were never really dating.”

And you weren’t dating. But you went on dates, you kissed, and you felt what you would feel in a relationship. It was different. It was scary. You were bound by feelings rather than what everybody else knew about you. Relationships sometimes last longer than they are supposed to because the couple has that title--it held them together. You never had that, so it was easy to fall apart.

“Oh, we were just talking.” What the hell is that? You were talking? I talk to people every day, but I didn’t talk to them like how I talked to you. That term is meaningless. It’s something people use when they are too scared to commit to someone who cares about them. Yes, committing can be scary, but when they slip away, you’re left feeling empty. Without that reassuring title, you are left wondering if they ever cared. They didn’t care enough to wait for you to make up your mind on “making it official,” or they didn’t ever feel the need to ask you if you wanted to be their girlfriend. Did they ever feel anything for you at all?

The undefined relationship leaves you thinking late at night and crying months after it’s over. You never knew what you were, but you were definitely something. Your relationship was just out of reach, but it never got there. How could two people be so good for each other and not work out? You’re left thinking that you’ll never know, because they were never “yours.”