I’ve been single for oh, about three or four years now. I was dumped the day before I got my wisdom teeth pulled (which was GREAT) and ever since then, I’ve been on the hunt for my next victim I MEAN boyfriend. Being in the dating pool for this long, I’m surprised I haven’t snagged one yet! Nevertheless, I have acquired a number of *ahem* skills that I guess I’m willing to share with my fellow single ladies. Gotta watch out for each other, am I right? Take notes and don’t be shy to try out the moves the next time a cute guy catches your eye!

1. Look like a hobo 24/7

Guys LOVE this look! It’s such a trend these days. Rock your smelliest, most ripped up, holey flannel, throw your hair (make sure you haven’t washed it in three days! Guys like it greasy) into a messy bun and don’t sleep for a week to ensure you get those nice, dark circles around your eyes! If you can pull this look off, all the dudes will be in line to take you out!!

2. Enthusiastically send them wedding ideas

Guys have one thing and one thing only on their minds: settling down and putting a ring on it! We all know that they’re just shy so drop subtle hints that you’re equally committed by sending them wedding ideas! Once they see that you are just as ready as they are to tie the knot, they’ll be down on one knee in no time at all! Bonus points if you just cut to the chase and send them the link to your Wedding Board on Pinterest!

3. Go one step further and send them pictures of babies!

Men love the idea of reproducing and having several little rugrats running around! The sooner he has a child, the happier he will be! Send your man pictures of babies, baby names that you like and gender reveal party ideas! They will see what a great mother you will be and will want to get started on beginning a family ASAP!

4. Scare off any other females that have their eye on your man!

Show them who’s boss and be extremely territorial! Guys love being told that they’re not allowed to speak, text or look at other girls so be aggressive about it! It’ll show them how committed you are to them and your potential relationship. Ideas include but are not limited to: taking their phones and going through them when they’re not around, jumping girls at frat parties when you see them talking to him, glaring at females that so much LOOK at him and sabotaging their reputation by spreading around that they pushed their last boyfriend off of a cliff.

5. Be vocal about absolutely everything

Guys love it when girls have strong opinions so challenge him on every single thing he brings up! Make sure he barely has time to say anything by constantly talking. They really want to know all about you and your entire life story.

6. Put a milkshake in your front yard.

This one doesn’t even need an explanation.

7. Surprise them with cute surprises!

This can include showing up to their house, classes, and practices completely unannounced or bombarding them with texts to let them know that you’re always thinking of him. Guys love it when girls do this! Write and record a song for them or even rent out a plane and sky-write him a love letter.

8. Make sure that they know that you know everything about them!

Their favorite color, their class schedule, their mother’s maiden name...the list goes on! Just stalk him for a few hours every day and you’ll be a pro on this man in no time! It’ll really impress him that you know so much about him! Just don’t mention which social media platform where you found his profile and in...guys like it when girls are mysterious!

9. Friendzone him

Guys will see it as a challenge and we all know from the movies that they love chasing after a girl who’s playing hard to get!

10. Never pick where you’re going to eat

This goes back to the mystery thing... if you pick where you’re going to eat, how else will you keep them guessing! Make sure you act bratty and passive aggressive if they end up deciding on a place that wasn’t what you secretly wanted

So there ya have it, folks! The Ultimate Guide on how to snag a man!! It might take some practice but take it from a pro like me and make sure you do all of these tips when you’re trapping...I mean DATING a man!