The truth? Part 1

The truth, just exactly what does that mean?

To be honest, I have no idea where I am going with this article.

Do you ever feel this need to constantly leave?

I feel that need all the time, and no matter where I go, I can't stay long. I feel smothered.

I leave on road trips, I come back the same day, and I come home. and I come and sit on my bed, and my mind never rests, ever. It is very tiring.

I found the one who can calm my soul, does he know? I don't have any idea.

When things are all good there I feel fine, I never want to leave the state, when times are bad like they are right now, I can't sleep, I barely eat, and I feel smothered being in this state, I feel the constant need to get away.

The sad truth is that he has no idea, and he probably doesn't care, but that is fine I have came to terms with the fact that I can't move on.

Maybe deep down, I hope he sees this article, and this might just be his open letter.

He was supposed to be kust another peron that I met, but he turned out to not be just another. He was supposed to mean nothing, and damn how I wish he didn't, but that's not the case.

The things that happened for you to tell me to stay out of your life, I openly won't state them, I will leave that between you and I, and whoever you have told. I will tell you in this letter like I told you when you accused me of it, I will tell you just like I told you in text the other day, it wasn't me.

I lost my best friend because of you, I chose you over her, because what she was doing to you was wrong, but you clearly don't give a damn at all. I sacrificed a lot to find out who it was and to make it stop like you requested, and you ;proved you don't care one tiny little bit by reading that message.

You not replying to that is flat out rude, you could've at least gave me a "k" to let me know you got it.

Maybe for once what I have been told is true, maybe you really are upset about it, afraid I am telling you to eff off, but that isn't true. I explained who was doing it to you.

I tried with you, I tried fixing it. I apologized when I wasn't even wrong.

My perception of you is starting to change, but hey isn't that what you always wanted anyways?

My feelings for you. well holy shit, I wish they would change, I wish they would go away, I have prayed, I have cried, I have spent countless sleepless hours locked in my bathroom on the floor begging God to get rid of them, erase you from my mind, I have strayed from my faith because he wouldn't, I only grew stronger feelings, but oh I am sure you don't care because you get to live your life, and I can't live mine.

I am a hurt, heart broken bitch right now, so I am not trying to hurt you because God forbid I would rather die than see you hurt.

I am sorry if I came off as mean or rude, but that wasn't my intention, I am hurt at the fact you haven't replied.

It is okay now, just please finish reading it soon and please reply to me that you got it and read it.

Communicate with me, tell me how you feel, tell me you're afraid to read it, it is okay to show your weak side.

The truth, I am not ready to reveal everything that is there for you, especially not online until I know that there is no going back, until I know for sure that you won't give me that chance to be happy with you, and to do my best to make you happy, to prove that I am not who you think I am.

And I promise I will ask you for that chance soon, real soon.

Today isn't the day, and 2017 isn't the year for it.

Part 1.

I just hope it's not too late,

from the girl who probably means nothing to you.