I graduated at a really weird time in the middle of the summer. I didn't get to walk across the stage because of unforeseen circumstances. I'm not here to complain because I am very fortunate to actually finish college and learn as much as I did. However, I can't help but feel like something is missing now that it's all said and done.

I didn't have the perfect college experience by any means. I was stressed out beyond belief for five years because of the amount of work and self-doubt I inflicted upon myself. In my mind, graduating meant finally feeling alright and not having to worry about stressing anymore. I was so wrong.

Most of my friends are younger than me so they all went back to classes right after I finished. The other ones graduated years before I did. I knew when I signed up for them that it would be my last few classes but it didn't hit me until after. All the blood, sweat, and tears I put into every assignment and every video project, it was done. There was no more for me to do.

You would think I would feel relieved but I didn't.

Suddenly, I realized I couldn't just pop back up on campus whenever I wanted. I mean physically I could because I am fortunate to live in the same state, but still. I didn't want to be that girl that "just can't move on". It didn't help that I didn't even have a full-time job set up. Not that I haven't tried.

The truth is, I didn't feel very included on campus until senior year. I finally found a great friend group, we went to events together, we hung out at our friends' dorm, I felt comfortable. Then BAM! everything is different and I'm forced to just change the entire course of my life.

Realizing that I had nowhere else to turn, I decided to go back to my horrible job at a pharmacy and a clothing store. I thought that having a degree from a prestigious university meant I didn't have to do dumb jobs like this anymore. When I got that job at eighteen, I didn't expect to still be working there when I was twenty-three. I had no choice because I have student loans to pay off. I felt like an absolute failure and that I was just going backward. When I'm not working, I'm binge watching shows or I'm trying to distract myself another way.

My friends, god bless their hearts, are the most loving you could ever ask for. I'm just not one to tell people my problems all the time because I always think I can handle them myself. They also have problems of their own and we are all struggling in some way.

Prior to graduation, I was talking to one of my good friends about how scared I was. Even though he was only a junior at the time, he assured me he felt the same way. I didn't realize how common it was until I read what he said. Then I started talking to my other friend that graduated two years ago and she also felt the same. Some of us have to move back home after graduation or we have to delay moving out. We are thrown out into the world in our early twenties to just figure out what we want to do until we retire.

What messes us up the most is that we think we aren't where we are supposed to be. We are told that we should have a full-time job with a 401k plan the day after graduation. I was constantly told I wouldn't be considered successful until I had a car, boyfriend, house of my own, and a great paying job in my field.

I think one of the worst things that stuck with me the most was that I never had a real relationship. When I was a freshman, it was always in the back of my mind that I would somehow find my soulmate in college. I didn't even get close. Now there was a smaller pool of men that would be interested in me. I'm not one to base my happiness on a guy, but it upset me.

It didn't help that I couldn't make my parents happy no matter what I did. My dad would constantly compare me to his bosses child who was seemingly perfect. It was always "well he did this why didn't you do that?" and it made me disappointed in myself. I had to redo my resume seven different times and didn't even get an interview. I was constantly being told that I was doing everything wrong and they didn't seem to care that I was trying.

There is this negative stigma around depression and everyone is scared to say it. I'm not. I have a form of depression because my whole life changed and that's okay. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. I may not look it because I smile sometimes but I am depressed.

I am scared of the unknown after college and messing up my entire life.

I'm not alone and hopefully, it will eventually get better as time goes on.

Unfortunately, the real world is overwhelming. No matter how you try to prepare for it you are still caught off guard. When people ask you what you're doing with your life, you can't just hide behind "I'm in college" anymore. There is this "How I Met Your Mother Episode" that explains the glass shattering phenomenon. This phenomenon is shown as something that you ignore subconsciously until this "glass breaks" and you are fully aware of it.

That is exactly how I felt after I graduated. The whole time I was in college, I was subconsciously looking at opportunities and signing loans.

Then after I finished my last class, the glass shattered and I was completely alone and $80k in debt.

My advice to you if you feel like you are depressed after graduation is to find an outlet. Write, draw, paint, do yoga, read books, etc. Getting into a new hobby can really help cope with it. Also, don't push away the people in your life or your true feelings. Just know that all your hard work won't go to waste. One day you will be living in a home with your very own family and you'll be wondering why you were even worried about the future.

Disclaimer: I did not write this article for sympathy. I wrote it to help people that inevitably will feel lost and depressed after graduation. Not everyone will feel like this and I understand that.