Confidence. It is a simple concept. Believe in yourself; stand up for what you consider to be true. However, it can be so difficult to actually put into practice. Over the years, I have watched my peers and myself struggle with self-esteem, and in retrospect, there are so many questions as to why we felt that way. Where did it begin? What brings a person’s self-respect down? Why is it so difficult to feel confident? Well, my conclusion is people are sensitive, and people can be cruel. Throughout time, we as a society have a tendency to tear down one another, leading to lower self-esteem, and the more a person suffers from low self-confidence, the tougher it is to build themselves back up.

After reading countless articles and even a book about the art of confidence and attending more leadership seminars/conferences than I would like to admit, I am finally gaining a grasp on what confidence truly is and what it is not. The word “confident” is mistaken these days for arrogance, conceit or validation. All of which it is not. Confidence is demonstrated in the way a person carries himself or herself, in the humility he or she may have and in the way a person speaks. Allow me to explain what confidence is not.

It is not walking into a room with an “I’m the best attitude.” That would be arrogance. Confidence is walking into a room and not comparing your self to anyone.

Confidence is not necessarily being the most outgoing person either. The shyest of people could be the most confident person. While it is typically perceived that a shy person is quiet because they are afraid or nervous to talk to people, sometimes it is the opposite. They are not afraid to talk to people, they just don’t feel the need to, and they know the right friends they are looking for will find them.

Confidence is not believing you are better than someone else. That is conceit. A confident person will lift others up along with them because their attitude is contagious. I do not know what it is about being around confident people, but it’s uplifting. He or she can make people feel better and in some ways inspired because confident people are typically happier and content. These feelings are motivating to share with others.

But most importantly, above everything, confidence is NOT validation, and I believe this is something that gets confused. Validation recognizes the worth of a person and confirms it. It is usually sought through compliments and positive messages. However, validation only allows a person to feel confident after listening to what another person thinks of them, which gives other people the power to allow how a person perceives himself or herself. This is not confidence. A confident person knows who they are and understands that people will like them for who they are. Validation is used to help build confidence because everyone appreciates compliments now and then, but it should not be the sole purpose of one’s self-assurance. Having confidence is a very personal belief, and it comes from within oneself, not from the beliefs of others. I can wake up one day and feel confident, but if I do not believe that I am, then that feeling will pass and nothing will be gained.

College is too short…no, life is too short to sit around with low self-esteem, so get out there. Today is a new day. Share a smile with others and remind yourself that whatever challenges you may face, you can do it.