This summer I was diagnosed with depression.
I knew I always had anxiety , and felt depressed usually, but it was always something that I could push aside. Last semester was when I truly had a moment of realization that I was not well. I became clearly unmotivated and extremely unhappy. My unhappiness not only started to affect myself, but also others around me. Relationships with friends, and my family began to become strained. When I came home from school, I suffered from an anxiety attack almost once a day. There was nothing I could to fix it, but it was just taking over my entire life. I lost a significant amount of weight, I was stressed, aggressive towards people I loved, and just miserable.
Finally one day I decided I needed to get help for real this time. I spent many years talking to counselors and attempting self love habits and doing what I could to make myself happy, but this was different. This became something where I needed more than just someone to talk to. I went to my doctor and we discussed the possibility of starting medication.
The thought of starting medication was a really scary thing for me, especially since it wasn't the ideal situation for me, since all I wanted to do was to push through it. After running tests on me, and many, many questions, my doctor prescribed me an anti depressant/anti anxiety medication Paxil. I did a lot of research on the medication and heard a lot of mixed reviews about it, but I knew that I had to take this chance, especially if I wanted to get better.
I knew how much of a roller coaster it was going to be for me, especially since medication is something to help a chemical imbalance in the brain. The side affects were pretty brutal at first, but my doctor encouraged me to keep going, and that sometimes with medication you feel worse before you feel better.
I've been on Paxil for about two months now, and I can honestly say this is the best I've felt in a long time. I really try to not let my depression and anxiety take over my life, but I know it's a part of who I am. I can accept that it does define a part of me, but that doesn't make me a bad or weak person. I believe that I've become stronger with this experience, and that with my acceptance of the not so pretty parts about me, I can start to accept the good parts about me as well.