A great deal is expected of the modern woman, not all of which is simultaneously possible. The modern woman should have a career, but she must still want kids one day because obviously every woman has a natural maternal instinct. She must accept the fact that her peers look at her like a sex object, but she certainly can’t use her body to her advantage. In addition, she must find the perfect balance between dressing to accentuate her assets, while still remaining professional. (Side note: there is no perfect balance because you will either be called a prude or a slut no matter what.)
The modern woman should also be in a healthy, long-term relationship because if you’re single, then you’re probably a workaholic and if you’re in the early stages of dating, then you’re desperate. These are only a few of the things that are expected of the modern woman. As you can see, there is no way to meet everyone’s expectations, and no woman should feel as though she has to.
According to society, I am a walking contradiction, as many of my fellow women can probably relate to. I have an eating disorder which means that I’m painfully insecure, right? Not exactly. I have a fair amount of confidence about myself, my body included. If I'm being completely honest, I even have a superiority complex sometimes. Contradiction number one.
Secondly, I’m a rather outspoken feminist, but I want to be a stay-at-home mom once I have kids. Many people don’t see how those two things can go together because isn’t feminism about women’s progress and their right to be independent from men? Yes, but feminism is also about giving women the options that we all deserve, including the option to not have a career. It’s essentially about having a choice, rather than perceived gender roles that we must adhere to.
The last contradiction? I am a woman, but I will not be silenced. I won’t be ashamed of myself, and I refuse to censor myself in order to make others feel more comfortable.
This struggle between the different aspects of our identities is difficult enough, but it becomes even more burdensome when fellow women help enforce these impossible expectations. Take the body positivity movement for example. Its goal is to make women feel secure in their own bodies, but too often, it ends up pitting certain body types against others. Comments like, “Real women have curves” only reinforces the idea that a specific body type is better than another and it’s not doing anyone any good. Women are already being constantly attacked by men, the media, and society as a whole; we don’t need to tear each other down.
Women have made incredible strides in the past century, but the fight is nowhere near over. Living as a woman in this day and age means being bombarded by contradictory expectations and constant criticisms. Also, as a white woman, I must not forget about my other sisters who are facing even more adversity in their everyday lives: women of color, trans women and those with disabilities.
Our struggles may differ, but we’re all just trying to find ourselves amidst the crushing weight of society’s expectations. We can’t let society dictate how we live our lives. We are all unique individuals and while the paths we take in life may not line up with others preconceived notions of how women should live, that’s OK. All that matters is that we’re happy and trying our best. So, let’s shine our brightest and say a big “screw you!” to the impossible expectations that come with being a modern woman.
In the wise words of Jess of "New Girl":
I brake for birds. I rock a lot of polka dots. I have touched glitter in the last 24 hours. I spend my entire day talking to children. And I find it fundamentally strange that you’re not a dessert person... but that doesn’t mean I’m not smart and tough and strong.
