A Stream Of Consciousness
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Health and Wellness

A Stream Of Consciousness

Welcome to the corners of my mind.

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A Stream Of Consciousness

Sometimes some of the most meaningful realizations, lines, and mantras arrive in the form of stream of consciousness, among the trillions of little thoughts that race and run through your mind. These unplanned epiphanies give us life and the power to keep moving forward.

I find these most thought provoking moments occur as darkness blankets the sky and the mind is a highlight reel of moments and memories. When I find words that seem to put into text exactly how my heart is feeling.

I think it’s pretty cool that words have the power to speak to someone’s soul. It kind of makes you realize that this world isn’t that big of a place after all. That the same statement that resonates with you also strikes a chord with someone you’ve never met before. And for a split second, you don’t feel so small, you don’t feel so alone. You realize your battle isn’t really that individualized because there’s someone else sifting through the same type of struggle. And what mends that confusion and frustration and negative vibe are just a few uplifting words. How freaking wonderful is that?

But there are most definitely moments that are difficult to put into words, instances that seemingly no words can depict the raw emotion associated with it, but your heart feels it in full force. Your heart and your gut are not strangers to the feelings that are intertwined in that nostalgia. And sometimes you feel silly, dwelling on the moments that you cannot seem to convey to others to the same degree as they affected you. There are no words to dissect the ambiguity before you. No words to justify why some things that could have been wonderful new adventures fell through the cracks. No words to explain the let downs and what ifs. Simply no words to accurately convey the heaviness that invades your mind and heart and soul as you replay the moments in time you so desperately wish you could return to, knowing it is all different now.

But then you stumble upon something that resonates so strongly with you, and you feel empowered. Because we all have our battles that we face. Even on the best days, we're all working towards being the best versions of ourselves. And that's not easy. But one day, if you haven't already, you will wake up and decide this life of guessing and wishing is not for you anymore. You will be so inspired to make a change of the mind, a change of the heart. And people could have told you to do so for days, months, maybe even years, but it never mattered. It never rang true because you never believed it yourself. Until this very moment in time. Isn’t that oh so liberating?

I wholeheartedly believe that at the end of the day, you need to feed your soul with what makes you inexplicably happy. There will be people you once believed were everything who will begin to fade from your present field of view. There will be strangers who transform into life savers and your biggest supports. You will question why you never met some of these people sooner, why life gave you such a short span of time in some people’s presence, and why others failed to see your big heart and good intentions. At the end of the day you need to feel with all you have, embrace life’s little moments, be unapologetically you. Because the one’s who are worth keeping around will stick around. The ones who are anxious at your quirks and your love of life were not meant to stay anyways. Believe in the beauty of give and take and do not ever settle for less than you deserve.

Your heart and soul are too valuable to fall in the hands of just anybody, don’t you see that? Don’t you believe that you are worth more than most. You see people for the potential they breed. You find the good in the unfortunate. You feel with every ounce of your being and would drop anything in a second if it meant making someone’s world a little brighter. Some call it naive, I call it beautiful. How is it that one human being can radiate so much goodness, yet not see it for themselves? My dear, your strength is rare, it is pure, it is genuine. The world lacks those attributes, yet you possess all of them in your protected little heart. You are a rare breed. Never change, I beg of you, don’t you ever change.

I think it comes down to trusting the process, as silly as that sounds. Life is too short to second guess every single thing, and yeah it's cliche, but just trusting everything happens for a reason feeds a little justification into the adversity you face. But it’s funny how we never know if everything happens for a reason until many years pass us by, more obstacles are hurdled, and we are sitting with our cup of coffee in hand, sun shining through our window, and we are adorned in pure elation, knowing we made it. God damn, we made it through our heart’s most treacherous floods and most fiery flames. Dear Lord, you made it. You freaking made it.

The reflections will come in waves, and some nights you feel more than others, you will swim in thoughts and the hypothetical. You will break down to the very core and question yourself and who you are. Or you will be so inspired to firm your grip on your life and make it the very best it can be. You will forget about the people who let you down, you will swear you won't let back in those who continue to knock on your door after brewing a tornado in your mind and your heart. You will relive your nostalgia in a different way, knowing in those moments, you were exactly where you needed to be.

Sometimes being engulfed by the past seems silly to you. Do you ever wake up after an evening of reflection, after an evening of ultimate flashbacks and wrapping your heart around nostalgia, and question yourself - why do I still feel this way? When it is daylight, we have the motive to focus on ourselves, our goals, and how strong we are without our kryptonite; but when the darkness of the night blankets the sky, the heart tends to feel a little more trapped in the past, wishing a little more that things could be how they once were. We dream of what could have been, only to wake up again the next morning feeling silly for dreaming of the hypothetical at all.

We hold onto the possibility that things can return to the way they once were. But we are always changing, at least that’s what science and psychology tells me. We are always developing. We are in constant reconstruction because of who we meet, what we experience, and how we handle hardship. So maybe there will be a time where we are ready for all that we hoped for but what couldn't last in the past, but to say things will be like they used to be would be wrong. We would have to grow, God knows that we shouldn’t want things to be the way they once were. Because that would mean things would end, they would break. I hope one day we all grow enough to conquer what we could never conquer before. And if this life does not want that of us, then I hope we grow wise and reflective enough to appreciate the hell out of those who came into our lives and know we are who we are because of where we once traveled together.

So thank you for taking a tour of my messy, jumbled mind. Where linguistics serve as therapy and words mend the ambiguity. Where there is hope found in the simplest, most reflective moments. Where I count my blessings three trillion times as I reflect on who I am, the small victories I have earned over time, and the growth I have demonstrated. While I am empowered to lift the spirits of some beautiful humans, I ask you all to listen to the echoes in your brain and be in tune with where your thoughts are at. Some days things will feel impossible, but other days you will feel so strong. And there will always be someone else's words of the stream of consciousness to help us sort through what we cannot put into words ourselves. So be kind in all facets, to strangers, to friends, to nature, to your heart, to your mind. We are all fragile beings, with cracks in our structures, but the sunshine you radiate always slips through and warms each and everything you cross paths with. Remember that.

// dmf.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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