I am not alone in hating Valentine's Day. It's universally known that Valentine's Day was exploited by Hallmark as an attempt to milk the wallets of our brainwashed, consumerist populous in the middle of a shitty month where everyone is already depressed from the weather and could use some chocolate. However, complaining about this "holiday" is trite, so I'm going to tell you how to have a fantastic Valentine's Day instead. I don't care if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, a spouse, a partner, a hook-up you're trying to avoid or get closer to, someone you're "exclusive" with or if you're single and ready to mingle. This holiday is now for you!
First of all, Valentine's Day is about love and I'm sure I'm not alone when I say that I love my friends a lot deeper and a lot more permanently than I will ever love a romantic partner. Sorry, that's the way it is. So this Valentine's Day I'm going to spend the most time with the people that I truly love and I encourage you to do the same.
Also, speaking of love, the most important person for you to love is yourself. I know that's cheesy and gross but it's also true. If you want to get really philosophical, if you think about it, the only person you truly know is yourself because the subjective experience you have of the world is unique to you, and you alone. In other words, you're the only person who can treat you right, and Valentine's Day is a perfect opportunity to hone your treat-yo'-self skills. For example, on Valentine's Day, I plan to lie in my bed and eat the cheesiest, butteriest pasta known to man whilst listening to This American Life and coloring in my adult coloring book. No one else can provide me with that much satisfaction and comfort.
Lastly, the best thing you can do on Valentine's Day, hands down, is to eat a lot of chocolate. Or, if you're smart and you can wait, give it a couple of days and buy all of the candy when it goes on sale. Then eat it all. Self love is not about calories my friends, it's about happiness. Food makes you happy, therefore eat food.
My main point about Valentine's Day is this: it is just a day. There is nothing about Feb. 14 that sets it apart from any other day. Even though it feels like the world is mocking you with the stupid teddy bears and the candy hearts, whether you're alone or not, this day simply does not matter. Also, if you are alone, find consolation in the fact that even those that have a "valentine" think that the over-production of stuffed animals and heart-shaped lollipops is stupid.
