Life isn't easy.
For someone who also has depression and anxiety, it can be even harder. As a college student nearing graduation, I'm going through a huge transitional period of my life that can make things very overwhelming. I'd be lying if I said every day I felt like a 10/10, in fact, most days are pretty crummy. Even though I want to succeed and do well, finding that motivation is difficult.
Lately, I've just felt kind of bleh. I'm here, I'm living, but that's about it. There hasn't been much joy to my day-to-day. Even the things that used to always put a smile on my face just aren't making me feel like they used to. It's been a let down to not enjoy the parts of life that used to be my absolute favorite.
With everything negative that's been circling me lately, finding the strength to push on has been harder than ever. How can I push on when the things that used to keep me pushing haven't brought me anything anymore? In the midst of cold, late January weather, readings and papers piling up, and another looming day spent alone, I realized exactly what keeps me going.
The good days.
The days where I wake up and feel amazing. I look in the mirror and see someone who is not only beautiful but also compassionate and caring and hardworking. The days where I am able to knock seven things off my to-do list without feeling drained or distracted. The days where I spend more time laughing and enjoying life than curled up in my bed avoiding contact with anyone.
The good days are what make my life worth living, and even if they only happen once or twice a month, they're still worth noting. For those twenty-four hours, I felt alive. I felt happy. I'm living the life I wish I could live every day. And in an effort to change my outlook to something more positive, that is enough.
I will keep pushing, even when day after day seems dark. Even when I have moments where leaving my bed is the last thing I want to do. Even when I feel alone. I will keep pushing for the good days, in hope that one day those will outnumber my bad days.