"Are you really wearing that?"

"Do you think that fits you okay?"

"You don't think that's too small for your figure, do you?"

"I'm just not sure that outfit is the most... flattering for your body shape."

We've all heard it. The thinly veiled insults that chip away at our self-esteem. Those of us who are not a size 2 tend to walk around with a cloud of judgment following us around. Whether the cloud is real or not, it is very real to us, and we struggle to live our lives confidently as a result. It is a daily struggle to decide what to wear. Should we dress cute? Or is it just better to wear a large hoodie and hide the shape of our bodies? I never can decide which one I should do.

Now, I completely understand that "skinny girls" have their body image problems as well, and I am not diminishing that. But as someone who has never worn anything smaller than a size 13 or 14 her entire life, I know just how difficult life can be sometimes. I am currently a size 18. But what does that really mean? Why does this size define what I can and can't wear? Many times a trip to the store is just depressing. When I find clothes that I like they either don't carry my size or the size 18's really fit like size 14's and the XL's fit like smalls. This has never made sense to me considering the majority of the American population does not wear anything remotely resembling a small. But the hunt continues for outfits that don't "hug me the wrong way", or clothes that are "flattering" to my curvy figure. Many times the adventure ends with another hoodie or over-sized flannel shirt in my shopping bag.

Don't get me wrong, I love my tomboyish clothes. I have never been a huge example of a "girly-girl". I opt for comfy clothing rather than what looks nice but feels like I'm sitting in sandpaper. But I honestly believe that this desire for comfort stems from the lack of finding clothes that are cute, and fit me correctly. So when I do find something, I wear it to the extent that it tends to fall apart after a couple of months.

This is a major setback when it comes to my wardrobe, but what about my confidence? It used to be nearly nonexistent. Even when I was thinner I constantly worried about what I looked like. Was my fat roll bulging over my jeans? Was I showing too much cleavage? The majority of the time I felt like a large pile of dough, with rolls bulging out over the top of the bowl. A lot of this was my own insecurity, but some of it came from the people around me. I never thought their cruelty was intentional, but some of my friends and family would make comments that would have me crying myself to sleep later that night. I remember in Middle School we went on a field trip to a baseball game and my dad went with us. He was nice enough to buy the girls in his chaperone group, including me, a bunch of snacks; hot dogs, cotton candy, the works. It was a teenagers dream, and we all split the food evenly between the five or six of us. Later on, I was talking to my best friend about the trip and she remarked "Fatty. That's why you're putting on all of those extra pounds!" and patted my belly. I will never forget that.

Intentional or not, those comments really started to sting.

"You should really start working out."

"Do you want me to pay for this diet for you?"

"If you would just work harder you could be thin."

All of the comments meant to help and not hurt but continued to chip away at my self-esteem until I stopped eating. I figured the quickest way to lose weight was to just not eat. Let me tell you, as someone who suffers from Hypoglycemia, I quickly learned that this was not the best plan. So instead, I was depressed. I knew in my heart that I would never look the way that I wanted to, and so I quit trying. I avoided looking at myself in the mirror, and I avoided shopping like the plague.

It was not until about a year ago that it hit me. Why does this matter so much to people? This is not their body, it's mine. Why does my size have an effect on the people around me? Why should I starve myself? Why should I cry when I look in the mirror? I had never been unhappy with myself until the subject of my weight came into play, so why was I so unhappy now? These thoughts were freeing, and I embraced them.

Today, I am comfortable with who I am. I no longer lie about my size or my weight. I eat what I want when I want it. I dropped the idea and the goal of being thin and picked up the idea of being healthy. I know that I will never be a size two, but I am completely okay with that. I have made my journey about me, and not about the way others see me. I wear whatever I want, and whatever fits correctly. I ignore those who say hurtful things to me because their opinion doesn't matter. It's my life, and I can do what I want with it.

I hope that my story encourages those of you who are uncomfortable in your own skin. You are beautiful. Whether you are a size 2 or a size 22. You were made the way that you are for a reason. Embrace your size, and be confident in the way that you look. Concentrate on being healthy rather than thin or curvy. I know the journey is hard, and many will discourage you along the way. But embark on your journey knowing this; you are beautiful just the way that you are, and I am cheering for you.