Perfectionism, by definition, is the refusal to accept any standard short of perfection. It is not the same thing as striving for excellence, nor is it about achievement and growth. The pursuit of perfection is a defensive move. We hold this twisted belief that if we do things perfectly, if we achieve perfectionism, we can reduce and avoid the repercussions of the negativity that surrounds us, such as the pain of shame, judgment and blame. We wear perfectionism as our armor.
Though perfection is an impossible goal, we still have this drive to work toward it. But what exactly are we working toward, given that perfection is extremely subjective and means different things to different people? We build these detrimental checklists in our heads of all the things we are and all that we are not. We define ourselves with these lists and go to great lengths to achieve these “goals.” On the surface level, the idea of perfection is positive. Because who doesn’t want to be perfect, right? Who doesn’t want to be at the top of their class, the team captain, the one with the great body? But we tend to not see perfectionism for what it really is, for what it really can do. When we have this mindset of “we must be this” or “we must do this,” we ignore who or what we actually our, our capacity and our limitations. We start with the image of perfection, but from perfection there is nowhere to go but down. Improvement is a far more realistic goal.
And if we are being completely honest, your reflection will not always please you, you might not get it right on the first try, and you might fail -- a lot. And if we are being completely honest, that is more than okay. I think, at the end of the day, we should be measured by how hard we try and what we take away from our experiences. I think it is important to make mistakes. And although we can never fully reach this idea of perfection, we can become the best version of ourselves, and in my eyes, that is pretty darn close to perfect. We have been blessed with flaws and imperfections and these are the essential pieces that come together to make up the unique individuals that we are.
If you find yourself on the rocky road of self-doubt, here are some daily reminders:
- Numbers signify the value of a lot of things, but they do not measure your worth. Do not give your weight, salary, GPA or any other number more power than it deserves. You are not enslaved to a numerical value. You are more than a number.
- You will fail, a lot, but that doesn’t mean you are a failure. Don’t let the fear of failure keep you from moving forward. Baby steps are still steps; keep going.
- Your weaknesses, mistakes, flaws, and struggles are all parts of who you are. Embrace it. Imperfections make you real. After all, you’re only human. No one has it all together.
- You are the only person holding yourself to perfectionism. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
- Aim high, work hard and strive to be the best version of you, but don’t beat yourself up for the shortcomings you experience along the way. Self-improvement and self-deprecation are two very different things. Try not to confuse them.
- There is something liberating in realizing that “perfect” does not exist and you are not destined to find it. You have been good enough all along and always will be.
We treat perfection as a tangible entity, certain that one day we can hold it tightly in our hands. But I will tell you this: perfect doesn’t exist. We came into this world blessed with characteristics that distinguish us from one another. We have been blessed with the very things that set us apart. What happens when our flaws become points of relation and not lines drawn in the sand? The pursuit of perfection is the very thing that will rob you of what you are trying to find.
Life gets a lot easier when you realize that your only true critic is you yourself.
