I feel like everyone goes through a relationship that is emotionally exhausting at some point in their life. we tend to look for that happy ending and when it doesn't present itself it's easy to blame it on your significant other to avoid the fact that the two of you just didn't work. Not only is that unfair, but it's unrealistic. There's no such thing as a perfect relationship and sometimes it's refreshing to take a step back and realize that it wasn't anyone's fault, while it's hard to let go of a 2 year relationship or any long-term relationship, we have to look truth in the face and admit that It just didn't work.

The other day I was so frustrated with you that I started to write an article titled An open letter to my first heartbreak and let me tell you, it was a doozy. I decided not to post it because it had a lot of personal information and to be perfectly honest, that was between you and I. It also had a lot of cuss words in it and the thought of my sweet little grandma reading it kind of made my stomach turn. So instead of ranting on and on about how angry I was and still sometimes am, I won't.

You see a dysfunctional relationship takes two people. While some of the things you said were awful, I let you say them and I internalized it. It also wouldn't be fair of me to ignore the fact that I have a temper and I'm sure there were times more than once where I probably said something to you that I should've kept to myself. It takes one word to end an argument and neither of us were willing to let go of our stubbornness long enough to work things out. It was a toxic relationship.

We had nothing to build on. At the time a person from the outside looking in would say that we were meant for each other, what they didn't realize was that behind the scenes we were a hot mess. You were not at all what I looked for in a person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life, and looking back now, I'm pretty sure I wasn't either. This doesn't mean that you were bad or unattractive or anything of the sort, it just means that we weren't at all what we made each other out to be. Toward the end of the relationship, I found that I had lost myself in trying to be the person you wanted. Maybe that's why you were so surprised when I finally gathered the strength to walk away.

One thing I can say is that I wouldn't take it back, I learned so much from you. I learned how I wanted to be treated and how I would never let anyone talk to me ever again. I tried for so long to hate you so that I wouldn't have to face the fact that I was just as guilty for not standing up and ending things when I realized what they truly were. In my mind, I made you out to be a fairy tale, my happily ever after. I was so unwilling to let that dream go that I let my stubbornness drag out a relationship that should've ended sooner, that wasn't fair to you and it wasn't fair to me.

I guess I didn't realize that I still carried all of this with me, so here I am letting it all go for the final time.

So that was my letter. I hope this gives some clarity for those struggling to realize what they deserve in life, let yourself be loved but don't sacrifice your sanity and comfort for someone who you know isn't the one.