Recently I have found that my life has been flooded with memories and emotions that I have felt all too well before.

I see my friends and acquaintances who have been in somewhat happy, not often healthy, but a serious relationship nonetheless come to an end. The effects that a breakup takes on these people have been horrific.

However, what I can come to terms with now that I have been in relationships and dealt with breakups is that when you are the person going through the breakup it is quite simple to have tunnel vision, if you will, and not realize the extent the breakup is taking on you. Which is why I think many people find it easy to go back to their ex-partner, because rather than dealing with a breakup and actually healing from the experience, it is much easier to get back together with an ex.

So this letter is for anyone who just got dumped, just broke up with someone, is questioning getting back with an ex, or thinking of ending a relationship:

Hey Stranger,

It’s been quite some time since we talked, and maybe that’s because of me ignoring all your calls, texts, and maybe even blocking your number at some point. But you have to understand that I had to get you out of my head, once and for all.

I want to preface this letter with you knowing that I don’t hate you; I actually really appreciate what you did to me. Maybe not at the time, especially when you decided to cheat on me, but now I really do thank you for everything.

There was a time during our relationship that I really could not imagine my life without you. Not so much you being in my life for forever, but actually being alone for the first time in a while. I grew so used to being introduced as “your girlfriend” that I forgot I could be a person on my own. I never knew I would actually grow to love being my own person, so thank you for giving me the opportunity of figuring out who I truly am.

I thought during our relationship that the things we did were normal, and the constant fighting was just us “working through a rough patch.” I soon learned through conversations with others that I should not have settled for that type of toxic behavior. Just this past summer I was out at dinner with friends, and they were explaining how they met and their relationships in general and they said something along the lines of, “Everyone always told us things should just be easy and I never really believed it, because in my head fighting is exciting and proves you love and care about someone. But then I met him, and it was finally easy. People were right.” So thank you for allowing me to realize what type of behavior I will never settle for or put up with again, and that an easy relationship is possible with the right person.

Your possessive actions and my submission to you honestly makes me sick thinking about it. I can’t believe I once altered everything about myself for you: the way I spoke, the way I acted, and the way I dressed just for your approval. I am thankful though for what you did, because I know I will never allow another human being to change me ever again.

I hate to say that I allowed you to take a piece from me, but in a sense you did. You took my sincere yearning for actual love, and I am not going to thank you for that. Because when you did all those horrible things to me, you changed me for forever, which I will thank you for.

I am changed for the better because of you. I have never been so confident in myself, so sure of what I want in the future, and I finally feel at peace in my life. This did not happen overnight, and it was hard believe me. But what I constantly reminded myself was that, a breakup happens for a reason. Sometimes it is clear at first and other times you might not ever really know, regardless there is always a reason. Most of the time it is just finally realizing your own self-worth and coming to terms with the fact that you deserve better.

The only reason why I can thank you for your actions today is because I am finally content with where we stand. Everyone deserves to feel content.

Sincerely,

A Girl You Changed Indefinitely

Authors Note: This letter is not just to one ex, but rather a combination of all ex's into one.