Many women grow up thinking about their true love. We watch cartoon movies, rom-coms, and soap opera TV shows and can’t help but imagine where our “the one” is. It’s almost ingrained into our DNA that we need to find a man (or woman), start a relationship, and get married.

And, really, there’s nothing wrong with that.

Well, there’s nothing wrong with it if you go about it the right way.

While we’re already thinking about finding true love in the back of our mind, there’s also this other pesky little thing called pressure that makes the whole thing even worse. There is an incredible amount of pressure given to us by society, our family, and our friends, that makes the journey of finding “the one” a much harder battle than it needs to be.

Think about it: how often have you seen a magazine, or online article, about how to find “the one”, or have had a family member ask you if you’re seeing anyone, or had a friend flaunt her happy relationship and insist on setting you up?

While this is all well and good, and most people are just trying to help, it can create an even bigger burden to find “the one” and get married, than ever before.

Now, in every relationship you’re in, you have that idea in your mind about it moving forward. After all, if you can’t see a future with that person, then why are you with them? That, in itself, creates a lot of pressure on you and the person you’re with.

As you start to hit relationship milestones (anniversaries, moving in together, etc.), the ideas of marriage pop into your mind. Will he/she propose? When will he/she do it? How will he/she do it? As you start to see other friends or family members posting their engagements online, you begin to stress about your own and when you can expect it.

For many people, the thought of an engagement means a change in their relationship, and not often for the better. Maybe you think that an engagement, and then a marriage, will change things. Maybe he/she will work less, maybe he/she will become more faithful, maybe we won’t fight so much, etc.

But, is that what you want an engagement to mean? Do you think that it’s a magic ring that will put a halt to all of the bad parts of your relationship? That’s not quite how it works.

If you’re relationship isn’t working out during the dating stages, you can’t expect much to change as time passes.

But, you know why you feel so compelled to stand by the relationship, right? The pressure.

Here’s what an engagement should really mean. You’re in a relationship with someone and you enjoy each other’s company, you work through problems well together, you have open communication, and you trust him/her completely. Your reason for wanting to be engaged is that you want to solidify your relationship. You want to commit your life to this person because they make you happy.

It shouldn’t have anything to do with pressure. The pressure can keep you from moving forward in a life with someone that won’t truly make you happy.

At the end of the day, you can’t be worried about “starting over.” In truth, starting over can mean ultimately finding the right one for you. If you are looking for a marriage to fix something, you won’t last long in that marriage, and starting over will come to you later on in life.

If you’re single, in a relationship, or even engaged, really think about what you want from your life. Cast aside the remarks and social media posts that cause you to evaluate your life. Evaluate your life on your own terms. After all, it’s your life. Make it what you want, not what someone else wants for you.