I care so annoyingly much about people. If someone enters my life, I do whatever I can for them to stay. Sometimes you do not get to choose who stays and who goes. And sometimes you have to deal with people leaving even if you do not want them to. When someone walks away from you, you do not have the say anymore. You cannot make someone care. But that is who I was. All I wanted was for everyone to care. And quickly, but harshly, I learned that life does not offer this fantasy. At first, it tears you to a million little pieces. You believe people are good deep down, but is there really such a thing as “deep down”? Aren’t people just who they are and what they do? They are not better than what they show to us. Some people suck, others are not as good as you are, and you’d rather have the pain of holding on than letting go. This used to be how I was with people. However, lately, I have been feeling this new feeling: indifference. I do not care anymore. I do not care about people who do not care about me. I keep my select few close, but that is all. The lack of concern I have developed is a beautiful thing. I feel like I have just tried coffee for the first time. The energy I spent on other people is now used towards things that are more important: school, work, my close friends, learning more, exercising, growing, etc. I am refreshed. I am rejuvenated. Indifference was my reset button. I feel as if I had a canvas full of paint splatters and I repainted it white. It is ignoring the ignorer. It is living your life without ever thinking of someone else's. You become your only focus.

I am only twenty years old, and I don’t know much about life, but I am learning day by day. My good friend once told me, “Some things cannot be taught. Either feel them or you don't.” That is indifference. You cannot be taught how to not care about something. No one can tell you how to feel a certain way. Feelings just happen. They rise out of you and you experience it on your own. The feeling of indifference is a feeling of full emptiness. Throughout life, you will put effort and care and dedication and love into something you think loves you back, and one day you might find out that the care was a waste. But that is okay. You will become indifferent. You will not care what happens to this person or how they are doing. It is not on your mind. It is not important. It is not part of your life anymore. And the feeling of throwing it all away, or not even realizing that you are throwing it away, is the pure definition of liberation. Indifference is freedom. And freedom gives you the power to do whatever you want. So go out in this world, and do not be affected by insignificant people. Some people may break your heart, lie to you, and betray you, and although turning to pettiness and revenge is tempting, the satisfaction of not giving a single fuck tastes much better in the end.