The Power Of Healing As A Recurring Process
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

The Power Of Healing As A Recurring Process

Change is not an impulse, it is a process.

64
The Power Of Healing As A Recurring Process
Pixabay

The first time I felt I needed therapy, it was hard for me to believe that I could feel so disconnected with myself that I could no longer identify or rectify my own problems. It was bizarre how my childhood years were hitting me in fragments, shaping me into a confused and wounded adult.

It has been five years since I began therapy after being diagnosed with chronic depression. I have arrived at points in my life where I felt I was done. I have healed, and now I wouldn't need it for this same reason.

It took me all this time to understand that healing is infinite. It took me all this time to understand that depression never really leaves you. It sits there, waiting to enter you like a starving mammoth.

I have developed my own therapeutic lifestyle by now. I never succeed 100 percent, not even 50 percent, but every day I achieve some percentage. And that is the only percentage that I count.

For what you achieve is alive. The rest just flies away to come back in your spirit as the will to try again.

A few days back, I was failing miserably at making myself feel healed. I lost the ability to appreciate myself for trying and I wrote a poem to connect with my readers on social media. It read:

I spend my nights thinking about how the next morning will be my new beginning.
I will fill the vacuum in my voice box and when the chirping birds come singing the song of dawn, I will sing with them without chains holding my tongue back.
I will fix everything, fragment after fragment how Anna's mother sew stars on her college farewell dress and she looked like a galaxy.
I will fidget, swing, sway, crawl, throw my organs around like they're hot air balloons, meant to fly, in an empty room with no lights and forget what does my conscious face looks like.
I will wrap the scars and bruises on my skin with flowers - hibiscus, orchids, sunflowers, and lilies because I need to learn giving is a better ornament than harming.
I will write in bullet points about the battles that I lost and the long list of battles I never really fought, I will tell myself why it was the right choice.
I will open my mouth as wide as the space between my thighs and I will squeeze oodles of guilt and regrets out, I will take notes on how worthless and cancerous they felt.
I will turn my fingers into people who forgot me like an old English poem and I will caress them as long as they know how different honest affection feels than fake promises.
I will walk alone through the streets and when my heart feels it's better when he holds my hand and makes me twirl, I will sit on a merry-go-round and look at the clouds beholding me.
If you don't know by now, let me tell you, my beginning begins every morning a little cracked and by the afternoon it forgets ends don't come so soon.
My beginning loses the sight of the woman who's successfully healed her wounds faster than the swing my bullies pushed me on.
I am still this process. I am no more the instruction manual, I am now its language, I haven't reached the woman I chase but on my way to the clouds, I've already tasted thunderstorms and I know what does it mean to implode into oneself.
I BELIEVE IN THE POSSIBILITY OF DREAMS. I BELIEVE HOW I TELL MYSELF TO REPEAT, I AM ENOUGH, I AM HEALING, I WILL MAKE IT. I BELIEVE EVEN IF MY PAINS ARE ENDLESS, BEYOND THIS PAIN, I AM ENDLESS TOO.

The responses that I received, and just venting my negativity out, made me believe in the endlessness of who I am. I restored my faith in the process of healing, which is as human as our own selves. It is flawed and delayed, but it is a constant process. Every morning is a new life, and healing never leaves you if you hold it close enough.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

2026: the year the Fifa World Cup Returns to North America

For the first time since 1994 the United States will host a world cup (for men's soccer)

2445
2026: the year the Fifa World Cup Returns to North America
Skylar Meyers

The FIFA World Cup is coming to North American in 2026!

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

An Open Letter to Winter

Before we know it April will arrive.

5101

Dear Winter,

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

6 Questions To Ask Yourself When Cleaning Up Your Room

This holiday break is the perfect time to get away from the materialistic frenzy of the world and turn your room into a decluttered sanctuary.

4945
Pixar

Cleaning isn’t just for spring. In fact, I find school’s holiday break to be a very effective time for decluttering. You’re already being bombarded by the materialistically-infatuated frenzy of society’s version of Christmas, Hanukah, etc. It’s nice to get out of the claustrophobic avarice of the world and come home to a clean, fresh, and tidy room. While stacking up old books, CDs, and shoes may seem like no big deal, it can become a dangerous habit. The longer you hang onto something, whether it be for sentimental value or simply routine, it becomes much harder to let go of. Starting the process of decluttering can be the hardest part. To make it a little easier, get out three boxes and label them Donate, Storage, and Trash. I'm in the middle of the process right now, and while it is quite time consuming, it is also so relieving and calming to see how much you don't have to deal with anymore. Use these six questions below to help decide where an item gets sorted or if it obtains the value to stay out in your precious sanctuary from the world.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Why I Don't Write (Or Read) An "Open Letter To My Future Husband/Wife"

Because inflated expectations and having marriage as your only goal are overrated.

16215
Urban Intellectuals

Although I have since changed my major I remember the feverish hysteria of applying to nursing school--refreshing your email repeatedly, asking friends, and frantically calculating your GPA at ungodly hours of the night. When my acceptance came in I announced the news to friends and family with all the candor of your average collegiate. I was met with well wishes, congratulations, and interrogations on the program's rank, size, etc. Then, unexpectedly, I was met with something else.

Keep Reading... Show less
Content Inspiration

Top 3 Response Articles of This Week

Meet the creators making their voices heard on Odyssey.

5989
Top 3 Response Articles of This Week
Why I Write On Odyssey

At Odyssey, we're on a mission to encourage constructive discourse on the Internet. That's why we created the response button you can find at the bottom of every article.

Last week, our response writers sparked some great conversations right here on our homepage. Here are the top three response articles:

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments