Advice articles on being a woman are a gamble. Sometimes they’re helpful articles largely free of sexist guidelines, but most of the time, they aren’t. "7 Things Women Should Never Do in Front of Men" is the latter type. What women shouldn’t ever do in front of their husbands is not petty or uncontrollable, such as flatulence or body hair, but serious behavioral traits we emotional creatures can avoid. It suggests that doing any of the listed things isn’t just appalling for the man—behaving accordingly shows a lack of love or respect. All seven items have good characteristics and some value in public settings; however, the blatant sexism distorts the importance of the qualities, centering them around what the man might want.
1. Avoid Self-Deprecation
While I agree that a constantly negative person isn’t altogether pleasant, it aggravates me that self-deprecation is frowned upon because it makes you less appealing to a man. This first thing women should never do in front of men is understood as a plea for attention; if she has a poor image of herself, it must be because she wants more attention.
I’m not saying that this is never the case. However, I think it’s strange that the more emotional creature is expressing petty dissatisfaction purely for manipulative reasons; this seems more logical than emotional. Regardless, people aren’t just self-deprecating because they want attention; sometimes, they truly struggle with seeing themselves positively. With regards to someone—not just a woman—who is frequently self-deprecating in any type of relationship, try to understand the circumstances and act accordingly. Don’t automatically assume that they are seeking validation from you. However, don’t immediately assume that you must become their therapist, either.
2. Avoid Poor Driving
Initially, I couldn’t decide whether I was amused or extremely aggravated. Everyone ought to do their best to be good drivers for everyone else’s sake. Since we’re working with gender stereotypes, however, I wonder whether it is more important that a man never drive poorly in front of a woman, since he is supposed to be a protective and authoritative figure. If a man cannot protect his woman and intentionally puts her in danger with having poor driving habits, then he ought to be an undesirable partner. If he is reckless with his driving, one can only imagine what else he might be reckless with.
It unnerves me that the arguments presented against poor driving aren’t about safety for yourself or other drivers—especially the man you’re supposed to be impressing. You could kill someone if you aren’t properly attentive, but, sure, worry more about how you might look to a man instead of safety.
3. Avoid Self-Doubt
Uncertainty is totally normal, but don’t let it go to your head and affect your ability to make a decision and stick with it. Don’t be rash and make sure that your decisions are logical. Good advice. Someone who is or does their best to be a level-headed person is generally appreciated by everyone, in any kind of relationship.
4. Avoid Explosive Anger
I wonder whether this advice would appear in an article about things men should never do in front of women (should there be reason for a man to need advice on how to behave around women, of course). Avoiding rash anger is wise in any circumstance. The noted difference between explosive anger and normal, “proper” anger is also important. Emotional awareness is important for everyone, and knowing when to ignore impulsive feelings is just as important as knowing when to express them.
5. Avoid Extreme Jealousy
Jealousy is toxic for any relationship and sometimes, the best way to handle it is talking to the other person (or people) involved. Of course, trust is necessary, but communication is part of that trust. This article suggests that petty jealousy ought to be avoided and that driving away your husband is undesirable. While that can be true, a better way to approach this is to mention that communication is necessary for trust. Trust is something you constantly strengthen, consciously or unconsciously. Of course, you probably shouldn’t broadcast everything that makes you jealous, but if it is seriously bothering you, the best solution might not be to tuck away your feelings and blindly trust them. You should be comfortable enough with your spouse to tell them when something is bothering you.
Regarding the underlying gender stereotypes in this issue, I’d like to point out that jealous males can be just as aggravating, if not slightly terrifying. Then again, jealous males are more glorified in media than females.
6. Avoid Criticizing His Inability To Be A “Proper Male”
I think it’s basic human decency to respect people and avoid insulting them for who they are and how they express themselves, so long as they aren’t harming others in the process. I fully support demolishing harmful gender stereotypes, especially those that demonize typically feminine qualities in favor of glorifying masculinity. Treating any man badly for failing to live up to the stereotypical male ideal is just as bad as shaming women for failing to embody the stereotypical female ideal.
However, this article demands that women change their behavior to satisfy their man but allows him to express himself however he’d like without complaint from her. If he cannot live up to the typically masculine qualities involving handiness and athleticism, she must not acknowledge it. Furthermore, his lacking isn’t viewed positively; the woman ought to avoid acknowledging it because it is shameful. She must live with his perceived shortcomings, while she can’t even talk to him if she’s feeling too jealous for fear of repulsing him.
7. Avoid Comparing Yourself To Others
Don't compare yourselves to others, both individually and as a couple. Don't point out the differences between yourself and your husband, because it might damage his self-confidence and make him uncertain. Do not look for advice or inspiration for your relationship in others, and make sure your husband doesn't know you have different opinions. In extreme situations where a relationship is built entirely by other's expectations, this could be good advice. However, the uniqueness of the relationship is no longer preserved when the woman, now no longer distracted by outside influences, must hide her individuality for her husband's sake.
One of the most ridiculous things about this article is how easily it could be proper advice. If I said avoiding these things helps bolster respect in your relationships, it might be less toxic than applying these demands to a male-female relationship. What bothers me is the encompassing focus on male acceptance, rather than a desire for common decency. You can be respectful, loving, confident and kind without looking to a male for approval.
