I can see you; you are struggling to find what makes you who you are. Or, maybe you are struggling to find a way back home after losing yourself to someone or something. Whatever the reason, be open to what I say next.

A close friend once reminded me, “All you owe to this world is to live in it.” The first time she told me this, we were driving over the Newport Bridge, feeling limitless, with the wind in our hair and the sounds of The Killers’ “This Is Your Life” in our ears. The second time she told me this, I was weeping on the floor of my dorm room after finding out my Grandma had stage four cancer. This single phrase is the culmination of every emotion. It can be used in happy times, when you feel weightless, or the worst of times, when you feel so heavy that you can’t remember how you made it curled up onto your floor. But if all we owe to this world is to live in it, why do we care so much about being who we are living in this world rather than just living?

There are things I have learned since my Grandma’s passing that have made me feel as if I have fallen into the exact place I need to be in my life. I’d like to share them with you.

Most people, as I once did, feel that they need to know whom they are in order to know where they belong in the world. They spend hours of their life worrying about “finding themselves.” Yes, that may all seem like rainbows and sunshine, but this can’t be the answer to owning who you are as a person. No matter how much we want it to be, life isn’t a Lifetime movie that deems you a new person after one experience. Why? Because you aren’t on a mission to find yourself in life, you are on a mission to create yourself. And when you bring yourself to existence, you are changing daily. Humans are in a constant state of change throughout their lives, so much so that we mold ourselves to a situation or trait down to the cellular level. So why not embrace change? We should embrace the fact that we can change who we decide we are by the seconds of our day. Rather than trying to search for what we think we should be, we need to just “be.”

We have to remember that the past is gone and the future doesn’t exist. If we are always looking for our identity in the future, we are treating ourselves as an illusion. You can’t live day-by-day trying to look for something that you already are (well you can, it’s just a bit silly to). Take a step back and just do things that you enjoy in the “now.” Invest your time in doing what you love rather than focusing on who you are. Because building who you are should not be a major stressor in your life. It should be a glorious journey that you welcome; misadventures and all.

So here’s my rant.

I encourage you to be alone, truly alone, accomplish something just for you. Do something magnificent by yourself, for yourself, and with yourself. I encourage you to make mistakes and find out how you deal with pain and loss in your life, because these are the things that make you. Don’t understand loss as something that you don’t deserve. You are deserving of growth and growth comes from that loss. You have to choose to loose sight of what you have always known in order to explore what you have not. You must have the courage to do these things and understand that you are human and you are made to not be stagnant, but to be kinetic. Whether that be alongside the people you love or by moving away from something you feel is holding you back. Trust your gut to make these decisions for you because most often than not, your first choice is the right one. Your first instinct and your first notion about something will always bring victory. Make room for your loved ones because when you are confused about who you are in the moment, they will always remind you of where you came from. Embrace regret, pain and new experiences because each one teaches you about yourself. Each one determines who you are tomorrow. And each one molds you into what you are today. Do not fear the unknown of yourself, but dive into the parts that you are too afraid to see.

So, next time you feel that your pieces don’t quite fit and you’re yearning to belong, trust yourself to live in the moment. Trust yourself to focus on who you are now and to realize who you are now is not always who you will be in ten years. Try not to get caught up in which direction you should be aiming towards because all you owe to this world is to live in it.

P.S-Love you Gram