My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in January of 2014. It was my senior year of high school, and by then I had started the college process: applications, acceptance letters and growing excitement about these prospective schools.

It wasn’t until my top school, University of Minnesota, which was unable to give me enough money to attend, that I truly understood the reality of my situation. The disappointment hit me, not only that I wouldn’t attend this school, but that perhaps I wasn’t ready for this next part of my life quite yet.

It felt wrong for me to start this new adventure when my mom was dealing with her disease. I applied to Minnesota only because they sent me a waived application fee in the mail, and my AP psychology teacher said they had a great program. None of it felt right, so I stayed home and went to community college.

This transition was one of difficulty, as it is for many college freshman. What made it especially difficult was the feeling of moving on, but still being in my hometown where my friends were attending the high school I just left, involved in the groups and clubs I once was.

I found it impossible to join the things I previously did: choir, theater, art—it felt wrong. I didn’t feel like I was able to move on. I spent my entire first year under the radar, I didn’t sing, join any groups, or even try to form connections with staff members.

In high school, my teachers knew me. They knew my skills and talents and successes and the timbre of my voice, and the thought of starting over overwhelmed me. I would have to prove myself once again, and honestly, I didn’t think I would be able to. I had many opportunities, but this fear of failure obstructed any chances I might have taken.

The next year flew by and I felt less attached to my high school self. I went less frequently to shows and concerts at my old high school, I inquired less about group dynamics of the things I was once involved in. I felt the separation and feel I could finally immerse myself in my current environment.

I joined the top choir, I took art and writing classes, I got to know my professors and shared my voice more in my classes. However, by the time I got comfortable here, the year was nearly over and talks of a transfer haunted me. It was all moving so fast and I felt like I was constantly playing catch up.

Because it took me so long to adjust, I couldn’t start thinking about majors. I still had no idea. I just finished my general education requirements, how could I know what I want to do with my life?

I talked over options with my friends and family. I’m not sure when the idea came up, but I decided some time off of school would be best for me. It would give me time to contemplate what direction I wanted to go in, and perhaps expand my horizons to learn and grow. I am now set to volunteer abroad in Fiji in October on a community development project.

We are given a timeline when we are young. K-12, four years of college, additional years for some, real world, marriage, kids, grandkids. There is no room for anything else, because honestly, that’s how it goes for most people. But what we aren’t really told is that this isn’t for everybody.

We aren’t told that a lot of people take time off school to figure out what they need for themselves. We aren’t told that a lot of people go back to school and change their careers. We aren’t told this until the moment people think we need to hear it (perhaps- if we are doing the same thing.) If I had known starting high school that there were other options, things probably would have gone differently for me. For one, I would’ve taken a year off after high school, because I really wasn’t ready for college.

Don’t think you have to live your life a certain way because you don’t want to disappoint others. Community college was never in the books for me. I never thought I could “stoop that low.” I was actually embarrassed to put my name on the college map in high school, so I didn’t.

I only received praises from family and friends for choosing this option that was clearly right for me.

I only received blessings from family and friends when I announced I’d be taking time off school before transferring.

People are so supportive and kind when they know you’re listening to what you need and following it.

I don’t think I’m courageous or brave for what I have chosen, I just think, for once, I’m finally doing what’s best for me. And let me tell you, it’s an alluring and exciting feeling.

Listen to your heart, people.