We live in a world where sex sells. The eyes of people young and old are constantly assaulted by lusty billboards, commercials, and advertisements of every nature. What are the messages behind these overly sexual images? What does it mean for the future generations?
According to the the Center for Disease Control, "Young people, between the ages of 15 to 24, account for 50% of all new STDs, although they represent just 25% of the sexually experienced population." Younger people who watch more television and follow media more closely than their elders have a higher chance of being influenced by these sexual images.
The message to our youth is that sex is just a casual act. It's purely physical and insignificant to a point where young people (men and women) no longer value their bodies or each other.
Despite what is shown on television or on the pages of magazines, many people choose an alternative lifestyle that goes against the free for all ideals when it comes to giving their bodies and sharing their sexual energies with another. A young woman from the Bronx named Taneeka L. Wilder has chosen the act of celibacy and has taking the time to explain why this was the right choice for her.
When and why did you pledge celibacy?
I took my vow of celibacy toward the end of my second relationship. It was the best decision of my life...That was 2007.
What does it mean to you physically and spiritually
I did it because not only did I want to save myself for my life partner/helpmate, but I needed so much more out of an intimate relationship. I wanted a best friend and someone I felt mentally, spiritually, and emotionally connected to in a deep way. I knew in my heart that sex was sacred, and I valued my body such that it should not be shared with the world. I also did it to continue to deepen my relationship with God, and renew my mind. I also wanted a man to respect me for more than just sex, and if waiting was not an option for them, they could not be with me.
I don't have to worry about disease, infection, pregnancy, and unecessary drama/blending in with the wrong type of energy.
Why do you think celibacy is not the popular option in society?
It is not the popular option because most people are followers of what is SOLD in the media. If everyone is doing it, it must be right. WRONG. Everyone is not doing it. Most people only know physical intimacy. The other types are harder to achieve because they demand openness and vulnerability...and many are afraid to go there. Friendship builds a strong foundation, but is not valued as much as romance. Lust is empty. Orgasms last a few seconds...and then what?
Celibacy is about healing. Growth. Courage. God. Self-love. Discipline. Respect. Self-control.
Do you have any advice for someone who might have trouble being celibate? Ex. Struggling with temptations, societal pressures, etc?
To the one that struggles...define what sex means to YOU. Is it really sex you are after or the need to feel a connection with another human being? Tempation...we are human. We have desires. I have desires. What helps me is taking that energy, and pouring it into creative pursuits, and active hobbies. When faced with temptations, I ask myself: Is it worth it? I listen to my heart. I understand the consequences to every decision made. If the person is very attractive, I weigh in on his character. I think about if this person would make a good parent. I think about my health, and how much I love being out of the hospital and disease free. Granted, there are no guarantees whichever way you go, but you must listen to your heart above the constant noise of the masses.
I would also think critically about the struggle, and remind myself of WHY I decided to be celibate.
The same would also apply if I were not heterosexual.
Taneeka is also a published author of a collection of poetry that reflects her love of self and personal experiences, thoughts, and expressions. Her book can be purchased on Amazon.
Celibacy may not be the right option for everyone but what the media has failed to do is give a balanced perspective of different lifestyles. Who says you have to have sex to be sexually liberated? While it has been proven time and time again in this hyper-sexualized culture that sex does indeed sell, it is good to know that not everyone is for sale.
