This is a letter that most of us need to write at some point in our lives. We change everyday and continue to do so from birth to death. Some make small changes as they grow, while others completely change who they are. Sometimes change is necessary because we create our own happiness and completely changing who you are might be the only way of achieving that true happiness. I know it was for me.

Dear Old Me,

I am glad to see you are gone but thankful for everything that you did and all the mistakes you made. You made me become a better person. You helped me find the person I truly was, the person I was always meant to be. Between the late nights at the bar, attending every party there was, hurting the ones who truly cared, and missing class which as a result your grades severely suffered, you sure made a name for yourself. But, once again I am thankful you made the choices you did because I would not be where I am today.

You came to Louisiana Tech in 2015 just at the beginning of the winter quarter hoping for a fresh start, where no one knew your name. You thought that by changing locations and being surrounded by new people all your problems would disappear, you could forget your past, and be a different, better person. Not only were you completely wrong but you changed into the worse person with a lot more problems. You were recreating the worst version of your past. That past that you were running away from finally caught up to you at LTU. Before, you regretted moving here and thought it was the worst decision you had ever made. Now, I know that it was all part of God's plan. I needed to believe that moving locations and running away from my past would let me have a new start because I realized you cannot start over just by moving. To completely start over you have face the consequence of your past mistakes, lose the person you once were, fix the root of all your problems, and change into a completely different person. Thank you for being naive and completely wrong because I would not be the person I am today.

You did not read the bible nor did you go to church and you lost your relationship with the Lord that you once had. I know now that you had to lose your way to find your way back into God's arms. They were open and waiting for you to return. It is all clear to me now that this was all part of his plan because the relationship I have now is the strongest it has ever been. So, again thank you for losing your way.

You used to surround yourself around any warm body just so you would not be lonely. It did not matter if they treated you poorly, were bad influences, that they drug you down to the bottom, and did not even respect your values. You found yourself constantly having to lie and one-up these "so called friends" just so they would stick around and be interested. This was something you've done for awhile. You were not the person you were raised to be and instead became a monster. You were partaking in activities that went against the morals and values you once had. You burned so many bridges trying to fit in with wrong crowd and lost true friends who had your best interests at heart. You had rumors spread and created a lot of enemies. That old saying, "Birds of a feather flock together," could not fit more perfectly. But that saying no longer applies to me. I fly on my own; I have higher standards for myself and respect myself enough to not surround myself around people who do not respect me, who do not truly care, and who do not accept me for me. I now have the strength you never did, to stand alone with only a friend or two by my side. No, I do not hate those people you befriended in the past, I truly wish them all the best. They just simply do not belong in my life anymore. I am thankful you befriended them because I would have never learned to love and respect myself the way I do today. I am sorry to the people who I burnt bridges with who truly had my best interests at heart, I now realize that and I am truly sorry for the way I treated you.

You did not love or take care of yourself. You were reckless with life and as a result hurt many people along the way. You did not realize how much your actions were affecting those who truly cared. You did not even realize who those people were until it was too late. The one thing you did which affected you more in the long run than anything else was how much you hurt your family and best friend. The worry, stress, and pain you caused them pushed them all to the breaking point. You took advantage of them and took them for granted. You placed all your weight on their shoulders and did not even think twice about their own struggles. Unlike you, I now stand on my own two feet, carry my own weight on my shoulders, and do not depend on others to fix my problems. This affected me more than anything because of the amount of hurt I feel today knowing how much they went through. The damage done to each one of our relationships is something that will not be simply fixed by an "I'm sorry". The relationships will not be the same nor go back to they were before. At first all I wanted was to be how it all used to be but I realized I cannot do that because I am different and so are all of you. The aspects and roles of our relationships have changed, for the better, but now it's the start of something new. Like Rome, these relationships will not be built in a day. But they will be rebuilt one day soon and into something more beautiful and healthy than before.

The last thing I am going to say to you is goodbye, forever. You are dead and gone and I will not be reminiscing old memories with you. You no longer hurt me nor will I ever let you because you are gone and in my past. I will not carry the weight of you and your mistakes around nor will I let it burden me. Some people are ashamed of themselves and their past mistakes but they should not be. I know I'm not ashamed of myself or past mistakes because I'm no longer that person. I am more than the choices that you made and the past mistakes.

Sincerely,

The real, true, new and happy Me

If you are trying to change, if you are in a place where the past has caught up to you and you have not a clue how to move forward, if you are lost and trying to find your way, if you are or were in any place I once was or if you know someone that might relate I hope this helps in anyway possible.