We all grow in our lives. That goes without saying. We change at our own pace, becoming our own person, and hopefully being happy with our lives. However, part of growth is leaving something or someone behind every now and again. Maybe they left on their own, or maybe they were pushed out by something or someone better coming into your life. But chances are, you aren't close to the same people you were as a child, a teenager, or even in a different stage of adulthood. But there are some things I'd like to say to some of the people that live more in my past than they do in my present.
To the people I left behind:
Some of you deserved it. Some of you didn't. I understand that.
For the one who still doesn't know why I left... Simply because you wouldn't understand had I tried to explain. I matured and grew without you. I didn't want to leave you behind, but trying to force you to come with me was painful. Almost toxic. I didn't want to hurt you, and I know you didn't want to hurt me. But the drama was too much. I couldn't stay, but please know that (while I still believe you're maturing) I don't wish ill will towards you.
To the one who would be blind to not see why I left, I still don't regret it, and I likely never will. You tried to destroy me while all I tried to do was build you up. I deserve more than you could ever give me. And you don't deserve more of an explanation than that.
To those I left, not my choice, but because you left me: to this day, I wonder why you left. But it doesn't hurt me as much as it once did. I have become stronger, and I have found people that treasure me more than you ever did. I'm proud of that, and I would do anything for them. So I wish you the best. You weren't evil, we just drifted apart, and I that caused me grief for some time.
I still love deeply and fully. I am more cautious of who receives my love, but it has not been destroyed because of the past. I've dyed my hair, cut it, changed my clothes and then changed them again. I've began novels and written poems. I've sang and danced. Some days I love life, and some days I don't, but my life doesn't stop because those that I once loved went down a different path. It hurts, but I'm slowly beginning to realize that's okay. Sometimes when we grow, not everything (or everyone) grows with us.
So to all of those I left behind, know this: I have not forgotten you, nor the memories we share. But I do not need you like I once did. I have others that I lean on. I hope you do to.
Because I intend to keep moving forward.
