It's been nine years since you've been gone. Nine years of my life has passed, but the moment I found out you were gone still replays in my head like it was yesterday.I'm 19 now, a bit more grown up than I was at the age of 10 when God decided it was your time to go.
But there are still things I don't understand: why did it have to be you that was taken, why did you get in that car knowing that your best friend had been drinking. There are so many why's unanswered to this day.
My friends joke around saying that they are going to go get drunk and drive home. They say these things right in front of me. They know that your life was taken from drinking and driving, they know this, but they still have the balls to joke about it. I, on the other hand, have actually walked back to campus before and asked a sober friend to pick me up.
I don't want to make the same mistakes and cause our family even more pain. What hurts the most is that I can't just go to you anymore and tell you my problems. Nobody really understands why I'm the way I am -- stronger but at the same time weak as hell.
People always ask why I get so upset with drinking and driving. I tell them that I lost my best friend when I was only 10 years old. I get uncomfortably sympathetic looks in return. I spoke in front of my entire high school about drinking and driving and how much it's killed me. I made people cry, I made people feel stupid for their actions, I made a difference, just like you wanted me to. But still, nothing is the same.
I attend your college now, that's the worst part of all. I walk the same campus that you did. I sleep in the room right across from where you did. I wear your soccer jacket and everyone thinks that I'm talking to a soccer guy, but in reality, I'm wearing it because I miss you. Attending the same college that you did is pretty tough, but it's still advantageous because I know you're always around.
I went to all the soccer games this past semester, but I couldn't make it through the very first game I attended. All I could think about was you playing on that same field, all I could think about was that you weren't there a few weeks ago to help me move in, and all I could do was cry. It's tough thinking that my professors could have taught you, that my seat in class could have been your seat, that everything I do, you could have done.
It's been pretty tough these past nine years without you at our Thanksgiving dinners, without you right next to me on Christmas mornings. It gets tougher each year, but somehow I get through it. I know you're always right by my side and I know you're pushing me to do better each day. You'll always be my favorite person and my best friend.
P.S. I hope you hear me talk to you every night before I go to sleep telling you about my day. I love you, always.
