I started thinking about you the other day. It seems like for a while every conversation that would come up I couldn't help but think "Yeah, they would have loved to see this." It has been a while since you have gone to heaven; I had expected this extremely nostalgic feeling to go away by now, and it does sometimes, but sometimes it doesn't. I actually drove to your grave a couple of weeks ago. No one knows that I do that sometimes. I just sat there on the ground and let the sun shine around me thinking about how much things have changed. I think about how much I miss you. Mostly, though, I think about all of the different things I wish I could say to you.

I am in college now and life is different. It is crazy to me to think about how I am finally living the things that you and I had discussed for so long. I am not a kid anymore; all of the things that I had dreamed about all of this time are finally coming true. I know that you would be proud of me. The future is scary and school is stressful, so I really wish that I still had you here to smile at me and tell you how much you believe in me. You were always my biggest fan. If there was one person that I could count on to make me feel like I was invincible no matter what I was taking on, it was you. I wish I could hear your words and the caring in your voice and the way that you always seemed to know exactly how to be there for people. I hope I am like that.

I wish that I had you when I was in high school. Things were tough and you would have known what to say. Sometimes I look at all of the different things that have changed and I wonder what you would say about it. Sometimes I think I know exactly what you would say. I am not a perfect person and I screw up a lot. You would tell me that, but more than anything I know that you would tell me that you believe in my heart and my good intentions. It is so tough to find people that believe that way.

It has been over six years since you left us, and sadly, over the years, my memories have started to fade. I think of activities that I used to do with you and I get frustrated when I can't remember what you would say about stuff. Sometimes I will have moments where I remember tips that you have given me, but I can never remember full memories. I try to revisit small memories often so that I don't lose them. I often think of long car rides with you, or days spent outside, or even just the sound of your laugh. I miss the feel of your warm hugs and the expressions on your face. The years makes things less vivid, but I hope that I never lose these moments.

Over the years I have dated a few people and had love walk in and out of my life. It is never easy, but the hardest part is that you aren't here to experience any of this with me. I went on a date by the river not too long ago with this amazing guy. We sat down on the waters edge with the sun streaming down and all I could think was how much you would have adored him. You would have adored the way he was a gentleman and you would have loved him for the way he could make me laugh. I wish I could tell you all about it.

There are so many things that have changed in my life that I wish I could tell you about. My friends are amazing; you would love them. They aren't perfect, but they are good for me. I really am happy with my life right now. I am not where I want to be, but I sure am enjoying the journey.

You have really missed so much since you left. You have missed graduations and weddings and births. You have missed birthdays and recitals and everything that I know you loved so much. I wish I would have gotten to see your shining face when I got to walk at graduation. I wish that I would get to see you one day when I walk down the aisle. There are so many moments that I wish I could have you stand beside me during, but then I remember that you have the best seat of everybody. You have seen me through a lot of tough times. I honestly don't believe I could have made it to where I am today if it weren't for you. I know I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for you. If there was anything that I learned from you it was love, a love of family and a love of people in general. Showing a love like you is still all that I hope to be. You molded me with your words and your actions, and you continue to live on and mold me through your memories. As much as I wish I got to spend more time with you, I am so blessed by the time that I did get to have you in my life. I wouldn't trade that for anything. I miss you and think about you often. I can't wait until one day I can finally see you again and finally hear all of your old stories and I can tell you all about the stories I am currently writing.

This post is dedicated to my Grammy up in heaven. I miss you so much, but I know that you are in a much better place here. I am sad that you have had to miss boyfriends and weddings and great-grandbabies; I know that you would have loved seeing it. I love you so much and I can't wait until the day that I will finally get to see you again.