For the past couple of years, I've let my fears, worries, anxiety, and self-esteem become a major part of my life. I let it control me to the point where I felt as if I was not living up to my true potential. I became so worry about what people thought and I overthought almost every situation that could every happen to the point I was never leaving the house or never spoke to any of my friends. The day I decided to get better was the day I turned 18. That day I spent my birthday in a locker room worrying if my new teammates would every truly like me; I even contemplated every terrible scenario that could happen at practice. That's when I began to have flashbacks of every moment where I gave into my fears. I realized that I was giving up minutes, hours, days, months and years on petty fears such as tripping and falling in front of people I didn't know and them ending up laughing at me. It was ridiculous that I could not spend the last three years in college hiding from every fear.
It took MONTHS for myself to accept myself. I was so self conscious, I constantly felt the need for everyone to accept me but in reality I needed to accept myself. I taught myself to stop letting people walk all over me. I told myself that I was worth a million bucks and if they did not treat me like it then they were not worth my time. I taught myself to not to care about what people said. I just remember constantly being scare of walking into a restaurant and feeling that all eyes were on me WHEN THEY REALLY WEREN'T. I just didn't want to be a little anxious person anymore so I kept pushing myself even if I was having panic attacks.
I've had friends lose their life to their depression, their anxiety, and their guilty pleasures. I refuse to be surrounded by that. I refused to let that affect me. I refuse to give in my fears and my thoughts. I choose to be happy.
So here I am writing this letter. I am the girl who where's sweatpants to a nice restaurant without a worry in the world. A girl who wants to skydive on her birthday instead of thinking every terrible scenario that could happen if she choose to. And I am the girl who also believes that life is so beautiful and why should it be lived anxious all the time.
So here's to the new me. The girl with the blue hair and feeling blessed when I wake up and fall asleep. Life is beautiful and I choose to live it to the fullest.
