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The NBA As Told By Mean GIrls

"It's like I have ESPN or something."

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The NBA As Told By Mean GIrls
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After leaving home for the Miami Heat, LeBron James returned in the 2014 season with the promise of bringing victory and glory to Cleveland. And that’s just what he did. On June 19th of this year, the Cavaliers were victorious over the Golden State Warriors in Game 7 of the NBA Finals, winning the series 4-3 with a final game score of 93-89.

Aside from the ultimate success of winning the first championship in franchise history, the Cleveland Cavaliers also became the first team to come back from being behind 3-1 in the championship series. Once he brought greatness to the Land, the nation was reminded who the king is. (It’s LeBron, in case you didn’t follow).

It was a devastating loss for the Golden State Warriors and all the fans who wanted nothing but defeat for James after what many considered disloyalty when he left Cleveland in 2010. The NBA couldn’t possibly handle anymore chaos - this upset was quite enough. But the chaos was just beginning. Following Cleveland’s first championship win came the unravelling of the NBA as we know it.

I’m no

sports announcer, so here are the facts from the Mean Girls themselves.


1. Kevin Durant Signs with the Golden State Warriors

After becoming a free agent, Kevin Durant signed with the Golden State Warriors after nine years with the Oklahoma City Thunder. Durant’s decision to leave his rookie team didn’t go over so well with Thunder fans, nor with a vast majority of the NBA, it seems. In fact, sports television personality Stephen A. Smith said it was “the weakest move [he’s] ever seen from a superstar.” It’s my understanding from such statements that if all of the NBA was to come together for a massive luncheon, everyone who wasn’t on the Warriors would pull a Gretchen Weiner on Durant.


2. The Golden State Warriors Super Team

As previously mentioned, the Golden State Warriors were defeated in the 2016 NBA Finals, just a year after winning the championship against the Cleveland Cavaliers. With Kevin Durant’s recent move to Golden State, the rest of the association is taking careful notice of the Warriors becoming what is being called a “super team.” and happiness is not the word I would use to describe what the general media is feeling about it. Mavs owner Mark Cuban says, “They become the villain… Everybody’s going to root for them to lose.” Janis Ian, you took the cake for this one.


3. Dwyane Wade Signs with the Chicago Bulls

First Kevin Durant, now Dwyane Wade?! Wade has been with the Miami Heat since ‘03, up until his recent move to the Chicago Bulls. This one is easy. You’ve got this one covered, right, Ms. Norbury?


4. Free Agency Movement

A number of NBA players are participating in the free agency movement. Once a free agent, the player is basically free to sign with any team in the league (there are certain specifications and for more information click here). Larry Bird, former Boston Celtics small forward/power forward (1979-1992), commented on the movement, and, while he understands what is going on, he isn’t completely on board: “Back in the day I couldn’t imagine going to the Lakers and playing with Magic Johnson. I’d rather try to beat him.” Regina George really did ask the right question.


5. Tim Duncan's Retirement

After 19 years and five NBA titles, Tim Duncan of the San Antonio Spurs announced his retirement just days ago. In the days that have followed his announcement, Duncan has received nothing but praise. Some have even called him the GOAT (Greatest of All Time, for the uninitiated). Tim and Gretchen share so much in common. I mean, seriously. He can’t help it that he’s popular. Farewell, Tim Duncan. You will be missed.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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