All around us we hear people complaining about romantic relationships. Many believe the sole reason for their unhappiness is because they lack this kind of relationship. While I won’t deny the happiness that a healthy romantic relationship can bring us, I believe that many people get the “relationship equation” backward.

In order to sustain a happy and healthy romantic relationship with someone else, we must first have a happy and healthy relationship with ourselves. Entering a romantic relationship prior to establishing a healthy relationship with the self, often creates an unhealthy partnership.

When one does not have their own interests and time, they often begin to “lose themselves” in the relationship. In other words, lacking a personal identity, often causes one to latch onto their partner’s. With this, it becomes increasingly hard to possess personal thoughts and feelings, independent of the relationship.

It is my belief that this concept largely goes unseen due to the assortment of media, on building relationships with others, that is constantly promoted. Therefore, many people fail to see that having a healthy relationship with the self is the foundation for everything.

Having a good relationship with the self allows one important insight into their life. This insight is what allows people to make big decisions, understand their boundaries, decide whether a situation feels right or wrong, care for their needs, prioritize and give direction to their lives.

Without this insight, one ends up looking to their partner for all the answers. Ultimately, even a romantic partner doesn’t have all the answers, let alone the answers right for you.

At the end of the day, there isn’t anyone who has the answers besides you.