The Modern Breakup
Start writing a post

Dating in the modern world: a Mt. Everest we all must surmount, a slippery slope full of rocky heartbreaks, jagged pitfalls and piles upon piles of coal and Tinder matches to sift through to find that one pearl. The discussion about modern dating and its many faults is quite prolific, and everyone seems to agree that whether you like it or not, playing the game is a tune to which we all must dance. We must never be the one to text first; after a successful date, we must allow a few days' grace period with little to no contact before scheduling another, in order to avoid appearing too eager; if the other person drops off the face of the Earth, we must make absolutely sure they know it didn't bother us in the slightest.

But what effect does this romantic zeitgeist, this game we all must play, this mandated chill that everyone must possess, have on breaking up in the modern world?

I've seen countless numbers of my friends struggling through breakups, and I've noticed one consistent factor in every situation, every single time: 90 percent of their struggle is the struggle to care less about the breakup than the other person.

It's like this whole phenomenon of finding your chill, this persistent idea that making your feelings apparent to someone you're interested in will actually drive them away, has made its way even into the very outskirts of a relationship. Even if it's someone you've been with for a long time, even if the relationship was as serious as serious can be, you're expected to be over it and on to the next one within mere moments. There's no mourning period allowed. Someone is a huge, integral part of your life for months, maybe even years, and you're supposed to paint flowers over their absence without any time to grieve for what you've lost. And if you don't—well, then you're just too hung up on it, just forget about it.

What that results in is a whole lot of passive aggression, and a lot of people jumping into relationships they aren't ready for. You subtweet your ex, you post statuses about how happy you are knowing that they'll see it, you go out with people you don't even like just to prove how over it, you are. You're angry, you're hurt, and for whatever reason, you aren't allowed to be open about it, not even with your friends and family, for fear of being labeled clingy or obsessive.

Don't get me wrong: of course, there's a line we have to draw. There's a point where it becomes unhealthy to hold onto a relationship. But that point is not the day after the relationship ends.

All I really want to say is that it's OK to have feelings. It's OK to be sad when you lose someone, it's OK to be hurt if they hurt you and it's OK to grieve. That's the only way you can really move on.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Health and Wellness

Exposing Kids To Nature Is The Best Way To Get Their Creative Juices Flowing

Constantly introducing young children to the magical works of nature will further increase the willingness to engage in playful activities as well as broaden their interactions with their peers


Whenever you are feeling low and anxious, just simply GO OUTSIDE and embrace nature! According to a new research study published in Frontiers in Psychology, being connected to nature and physically touching animals and flowers enable children to be happier and altruistic in nature. Not only does nature exert a bountiful force on adults, but it also serves as a therapeutic antidote to children, especially during their developmental years.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Simple Ways To Give Yourself Grace, Especially When Life Gets Hard

Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we are becoming.

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

If there's one thing I'm absolutely terrible at, it's giving myself grace. I'm easily my own worst critic in almost everything that I do. I'm a raging perfectionist, and I have unrealistic expectations for myself at times. I can remember simple errors I made years ago, and I still hold on to them. The biggest thing I'm trying to work on is giving myself grace. I've realized that when I don't give myself grace, I miss out on being human. Even more so, I've realized that in order to give grace to others, I need to learn how to give grace to myself, too. So often, we let perfection dominate our lives without even realizing it. I've decided to change that in my own life, and I hope you'll consider doing that, too. Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we're becoming. As you read through these five affirmations and ways to give yourself grace, I hope you'll take them in. Read them. Write them down. Think about them. Most of all, I hope you'll use them to encourage yourself and realize that you are never alone and you always have the power to change your story.

Keep Reading... Show less

Breaking Down The Beginning, Middle, And End of Netflix's Newest 'To All The Boys' Movie

Noah Centineo and Lana Condor are back with the third and final installment of the "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" series


Were all teenagers and twenty-somethings bingeing the latest "To All The Boys: Always and Forever" last night with all of their friends on their basement TV? Nope? Just me? Oh, how I doubt that.

I have been excited for this movie ever since I saw the NYC skyline in the trailer that was released earlier this year. I'm a sucker for any movie or TV show that takes place in the Big Apple.

Keep Reading... Show less

4 Ways To Own Your Story, Because Every Bit Of It Is Worth Celebrating

I hope that you don't let your current chapter stop you from pursuing the rest of your story.

Photo by Manny Moreno on Unsplash

Every single one of us has a story.

I don't say that to be cliché. I don't say that to give you a false sense of encouragement. I say that to be honest. I say that to be real.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

How Young Feminists Can Understand And Subvert The Internalized Male Gaze

Women's self-commodification, applied through oppression and permission, is an elusive yet sexist characteristic of a laissez-faire society, where women solely exist to be consumed. (P.S. justice for Megan Fox)

Paramount Pictures

Within various theories of social science and visual media, academics present the male gaze as a nebulous idea during their headache-inducing meta-discussions. However, the internalized male gaze is a reality, which is present to most people who identify as women. As we mature, we experience realizations of the perpetual male gaze.

Keep Reading... Show less

It's Important To Remind Yourself To Be Open-Minded And Embrace All Life Has To Offer

Why should you be open-minded when it is so easy to be close-minded?


Open-mindedness. It is something we all need a reminder of some days. Whether it's in regards to politics, religion, everyday life, or rarities in life, it is crucial to be open-minded. I want to encourage everyone to look at something with an unbiased and unfazed point of view. I oftentimes struggle with this myself.

Keep Reading... Show less

14 Last Minute Valentine's Day Gifts Your S.O. Will Love

If they love you, they're not going to care if you didn't get them some expensive diamond necklace or Rolex watch; they just want you.


Let me preface this by saying I am not a bad girlfriend.

I am simply a forgetful one.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

10 Helpful Tips For College Students Taking Online Courses This Semester

Here are several ways to easily pass an online course.

Photo by Vlada Karpovich on Pexels

With spring semester starting, many college students are looking to take courses for the semester. With the pandemic still ongoing, many students are likely looking for the option to take online courses.

Online courses at one time may have seemed like a last minute option for many students, but with the pandemic, they have become more necessary. Online courses can be very different from taking an on-campus course. You may be wondering what the best way to successfully complete an online course is. So, here are 10 helpful tips for any student who is planning on taking online courses this semester!

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments