Lately, I've been thinking about what my current path in life is en route to. When I was younger I dreamt of being an artist. Art was my favorite class, even in middle school when everyone had huge distaste for the teacher. I loved her, and never saw the problem that they had. My art teachers had always been very encouraging of my thoughts and how I wanted to mix up the assignment a bit.

When I informed my parents that this was what I wanted to do, they told me I would never survive as an artist and couldn't possibly live as one.

Then, probably after watching The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, in combination with Fools Gold, I decided that Archaeology was my true calling. I figured that it would be an incredible opportunity to travel and get a hands on feel for history. I thought that it'd be incredible to be in the same places as our ancestors and see what they had to offer.

Again, when I informed my parents that this was what I wanted to do, they told me that Archaeologists don't make any money and I wouldn't make a suitable amount to live.

Yes, neither job would make the most profit in comparison to a CEO of a company or a doctor or lawyer but if that's what would make me happy then what did it matter?

Growing up, my parents lived a life where their needs were met but rarely their wants. They didn't have the lavish life that everyone seems to have in movies, and I think when they had me they wanted to give me everything that I needed and more. I don't ask my parents for anything unless I have no other option because I feel horrible asking anyone for help. I know my parents have faced monetary struggles and I think their main concern for me is that I won't have the same problems. They want the best for me, as most parents do.

When I was told that I wouldn't be able to survive doing the things that I really wanted to do was heart-breaking. Since then, my sole focus when thinking about jobs has been money. Mind you this is elementary school. For the past nine years I've been constantly obsessed with oh that won't work because I won't make enough money.

I began to think, "No one's life is perfect and no one is in love with their job, but you need a job to succeed in life, so just do it."

We all need to realize happiness > money and money =/= happiness.

I would rather love my job and make just enough than hate my job and have everything I could ever possibly want. Now, to some I may sound naive... but I firmly believe what I believe and I know that I can be happy AND successful in my own way. A woman, Alexandra Ulmke, who has a blog called A Girl and Her Van wrote this, “Success can mean living a life that is unequivocally your own, one that is self-defined. Maybe it’s not grand, maybe it’s not glamorous, but at least it’s yours.” This resonates so much with me. I don't want much, currently just a tiny house and travel. I'm not talking Ritzy travel... just travel, explore see everything in any possible format. The glamour isn’t necessary, I just want to do meaningful and creative things, that don't involve sitting at a desk eight + hours every single day.

If making art for a living and writing what i want to write or traveling without a formal brick and mortar job makes me happy then I should do it. I should do what makes me happy because that’s a life worth living. I don’t want to break my neck to get a job that I abhor.

Lately, I have been really interested in looking at van-dweller journeys and watching tiny house videos and listening to the stories of these people and why they are doing what they are doing and how they got where they are. I’m beginning to realize that whatever I decide to do, if I do it well, I will be okay.

In the fifth grade, my absolute favorite book was Peak by Roland Smith. I dreamed one day climbing Mt. Everest and reaching the summit. I have no desire to actually do this currently as it would be an extreme challenge and is in fact very dangerous... But I have always enjoyed climbing. From the second grade through high school I attended a summer camp and always looked forward to climbing and getting farther than I had the previous year. Now, I can’t even remember the last time that I climbed.

For the life of me, I can’t remember the title but another book I read was about this girl who hiked the Appalachian Trail, she ran away from home and possibly some family troubles and just went. I'm now realizing that I read a lot of books about kids doing dangerous yet adventurous things and wanting to do the same i.e. the above and Huck Finn and Brian Robeson.

In middle school, I joined the ski club. I was always fascinated by the thought of snow sports. When I attempted to snowboard, I was terrified of going fast… something a little problematic.

I think being scared by the things that you do is okay. Fear is important. I was listening to a speech by one of my favorite Youtube personalities, Lauren Toyota, the other day and she reiterated this. She said, "You need to be scared in order to grow and move onto new opportunities... It means you're challenging yourself... Push through [your] fear because you will get the greatest reward from those experiences... Eventually, you will get to a point where you're not scared anymore because you have mastered that skill and that's when it's time to master another one."

Life is scary, new things are scary but the fear won't last. When I was learning to drive manual I hated it, I had nightmares about never being able to get the car moving. Now, I drive a manual every day and I'm not scared of hills or Greensburg, Pa. red lights (they're on hills).

I grew up camping and staying in cabins and exploring the outdoors, I wasn’t afraid of getting dirty. I recall playing in mud pits and going creek walking---more like swimming. My family used to stay with another family at Lynn Run every summer before my parents got divorced. Then, I started going to a camp every summer and in high school we camped in Deep Creek, MD with my cousins.

One of my really close friends used to go on adventures with her grandfather every year. She has so many insane pictures from The Grand Canyon and Crater Lake National Park in Oregon and Nevada and California. She’s sent me post cards (so cool) and I’ve heard about her excursions. For a while, I lived vicariously through her and dreamed of one day exploring with her.

Lately, my adventures have been lacking. I don’t recall the last time I slept outside. I don’t remember the last time I went camping. I’ve felt off. And I think that’s because I’ve been so consumed by the thoughts of needing to do all of these things in order to be successful and dealing with and accepting the stress and pushing my needs to the side.

My biggest problem is that I keep forgetting the most important factor in how to live a happy life.

Mental health and physical health come first.

How can I expect to be my best, when I’m not at my best and I’m not trying to be my best because I’m not granting myself the time, that I need in order, to be my best?

I know, run on sentence and super repetitive, right? I’m trying to somehow make it stick.

First and foremost, I need to remember to take a deep breath, and realize that everything is going to be okay and I’m gonna figure it all out. Second, I need to remember that money doesn't matter if I'm happy.