I never knew what it was like to love until January 2017.

We'd been Facebook friends and one night I had gotten a Facebook message, "You're so beautiful." Those three words play in the back of my head like a broken record. My phone was broken so that night we Facebook video chatted. I looked horrible; no makeup and my hair in a messy bun. Never had I felt so comfortable with someone quick before to let them see that side me so quick. When we first hung out, I felt so comfortable. We talked, laughed, and got to know a little about each other. From that day, we spent almost every day together.

Although I had just turned 18 and he 22, the age gap didn't bother me, I'm very mature for my age.

What I didn't know was that someone four years older than me wasn't the same. He has his struggles as does everyone, but, you shouldn't date someone when you're not ready nor when you still love your ex. "If she called right now and asked to fix things I'd choose her." It still breaks my heart and we're not together anymore. Someone who I gave my everything to took advantage of how big my heart is. I gave up friendships, stopped caring what my mom thought, fought with people... All because I loved you when you're making me look stupid. Everyone else saw it, why couldn't I? You took a part of me I'll never get back.

For three months, I stuck up for someone who only made me lose my self-esteem and made me think everything was my fault. Someone who left because of a rumor and talked bad about me after things ended. I didn't know the words that you said you could say about someone you supposedly love. Words hurt, did you ever think of that? I thought I was going to marry you by the conversations we had.

You never truly listen to what was wrong - I had so many feelings and you just blew them off.

I couldn't talk to you because you made me feel like my feelings weren't worth your time and didn't matter to you. Did you ever really love me? I was afraid to leave because I thought I needed you to survive, but I don't. I'm doing great with where I am now. These types of relationships are common in the 21st century.

Thank you for showing the real you - the one who doesn't mean what he says.

You only "cared" about yourself. After all of the tears, doubting myself, and days I spent in bed wondering why I'm still on this earth, you showed me who I actually am and what my purpose is in life. You were my lesson, to never lose myself over a boy who doesn't care about you one bit. I'm afraid to let anyone else in now because of you, I'm afraid to love again. I'll always love you because when I say it, I mean it. Thank you for the two and a half months of happiness before we fought a lot... But you no longer have a piece of my heart.

To the girls in this type of relationship and don't know how to leave, think about your future.

I gave up going away to my number one college because I thought I would be with this person forever. Don't ever put a boy before your own happiness because you want them to stay, if they really care about and love you, they'll support you no matter what. Just remember, you are beautiful, you are loved. You can't love someone if you don't love yourself first.

Stay true to you.