I knew that 2016 would be a time of growth for me, but I would have never thought that I would grow in the ways that I did. You see
Let give you some background first.. I started a new job as an assistant women's basketball coach right out of college. Crazy right? That's unheard of to be a college coach at the age of 22. See before the season started the assistant on the Men's side had made it clear that he was interested in me and taking me out. Me being me I call him a "John Tucker", you know from the movie John Tucker Must Die. Long story short he takes me out trying to prove to me that he's not a "John Tucker", but what I've learned is when people say "I'm not like that" or "I'm different from everybody else"... THEY"RE LYING.
So here's my story, the cold harsh truth of how I let a man destroy me. He called me unappreciative... That's something that cut me deep because that's not who I am. I'm headstrong, stubborn, independent, shy, caring, mysterious, and most loving Virgo that you would ever meet. Yes I said it.. I'm a Virgo! And I'm proud to be one! From there a few weeks later I ask him to do me a favor because I already have a previous engagement elsewhere and the response I receive in return is,"I don't understand why I have to do that... they're not my F@%$!G players anymore so that's not my responsibility". This was coming from the same person who told me that if I ever needed anything I could always count on him. Whenever he would as me for my opinion he was tell me that I lacked intelligence for thinking a certain way or the reason a felt a certain way was because I'm just a difficult person who's hard to be with anyways.
How could someone who claims that they're not like everyone else destroy me like this? How could someone be so heartless? More importantly how could some prove to me that they are not a John Tucker? You see when I called him a "John Tucker" I didn't call him that because I felt like he would talk to other women besides me just like the movie. I called him that because John Tucker destroyed those women mentally and emotionally with his words. That's something that has never happened to me before. That's something that I've never had to go through before.. I've witnessed it happen to others and saw it coming. But I could I be so blinded when it came to myself? This is how.. I questioned my worth. I questioned myself being. I doubted myself as a coach. Most importantly I chose to see the good in him rather the bad, Here's another question I asked myself.. How could this happen when we're just casual/ We weren't even an item for petes sake!!
But let me tell you something.. God knew what he was doing! He knew that I needed to go through that to grow as a better person as well as a better Coach. There was so much destruction in that casual fling that I almost missed the blessing that God was pouring out in the end. Now I may have walls built up or not be as open as I once was, but I do know now that there is always time to grow when it comes to self worth and self esteem. So Coach where ever you are and whatever you're doing I just want to thank you! Thank you for showing me that I can be broken down in ways that I never thought I could. But most importantly thank you for showing me I can always piece myself back together not matter how many times someone breaks me. You couldn't see it, but there was growth in that destructive relationship, so again I thank you :)
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