Hello, my name is Jameyrae Valdivia, and I’m the daughter of an alcoholic.

Some days are easy, and some days not so much. Growing up I had a decent childhood, but there are things I will never forget. Like in second grade, when I woke up and looked endlessly for my mom, who was nowhere to be found. I finally found my dad in the kitchen looking very upset. When I asked him where Mom was, he sat me down and explained as well as he could to a young child that their mother had gone away to rehab. So for a couple weeks, it was just him and I trying to get by until she came back.

When she did it was wonderful, but that didn’t last. Usually 5 p.m. in my house starts around 11 in the morning. When I was in high school, I usually played this game on my way home, guessing which version of my mom I was going to get. It was stressful and very distracting. I ran away once, though it didn’t last very long. Just being in the house when she drinks makes my blood boil.

I hate it. I hate it so much that, even though I love her so much, I hold a lot of resentment. Countless times have I been too scared to bring friends over or extremely embarrassed when I did, because she decided to drink. She’s gotten in fights, called me at 3 a.m. for a ride and I’ve even had to take care of her a few times when she drank way too much. We’ve fought, we’ve cried and come to resolutions. She says she’ll stop, she says she’ll go to AA and she says she’ll make a change. Yet, after hearing the same thing every couple of months, you start to lose hope.

You lose faith in the one person that you’re never supposed to. You feel lost in the place that you’re supposed to be found. You feel alone in a room crowded with people, because it’s hard to talk about what you’re going through, when half the time, no one understands. I don’t drink often, because I’m so fearful of growing up and being like my mom. Isn’t it supposed to be the opposite?

I’ll tell you what, though, even though my dad and grandparents have told me to give up on her, I never will. I may have lost faith here and there, but it always comes back. Behind that addict, behind that bad habit, is a person who needs us. There’s a person who may not always try their hardest, but needs someone to have faith in them when they’ve lost it themselves.

Addiction is this thing, a disease that will grab a hold of you and will not let go. Someone who’s sick with cancer can’t just stop and say, “I’m cured” without a lot of hard work, effort and support from their friends and loved ones, and sadly it doesn’t always work. I have a lot of good memories with my mom, and it’s important to not always let the bad overshadow the good. She’s there for me mostly when I need her, and no matter what, I will always love her.

If you are someone who is living or is close to someone with an addiction, I know it’s hard. No experience is the same. But from one affected person to another, don’t give up too easily. Don’t take things personally. And know that things won’t always get better. That’s not something I can promise, but I can promise that the person behind the addiction sees you. They know you’re there doing what you can, whether it helps them or not. At the end of the day, we all need someone who loves us and cares enough to be there when we need them. Some just a little more than others.