For as long as I can remember, I haven't been happy with who am I. The way that other people see me doesn't concern me, but the way I see myself matters a lot to me. Just recently, I've begun working to try and meet my own high standards. I've learned so far that the journey to loving myself is not, and will not, be an easy one.
A few months ago, I began setting goals for myself that were realistic and promising. For the first couple of weeks, I kept on-track for achieving these goals and felt so hopeful. As time went on, I wasn't seeing as much progress as I'd hoped. Disappointment set in big time. More recently, I've felt as though I hadn't accomplished anything I set out to, and I hated myself more than ever. I couldn't understand why I couldn't stick to something and achieve a goal that was so reasonable.
These goals I had set came in a variety of forms: I set goals for my relationships with others, to better my physical appearance, to treat myself better and keep a more positive mindset. I had images in my head of what I wanted to be: how I wanted to look, live and feel. There were so many things I didn't realize months ago when I set out on this journey.
But, these images weren't me. They were fictional visions that didn't exist anywhere in the real world. I view myself as a realistic person, so the fact that I would rely on resembling these fantasized images to finally be happy with myself is so confusing to me now. In order to love myself, I have to first love the person I already am. This, in itself, sounds simple. However, its so much more complicated than just flipping a switch.
Loving yourself is a journey, and like any adventure, the ups and downs of the travel is much more valuable than reaching the actual destination. There will be so many setbacks and obstacles while learning to love yourself and how you deal with those challenges is what will determine if you ever meet your destination. Loving yourself is not about looking like some made-up image you have in your mind, or feeling happy and content every day of your life. It's about striving to be your best and still loving yourself when you aren't your best. Although it would be nice, being happy every single day is unrealistic. Learning how to handle your sadness and anger is much more reasonable. Instead of wanting to look like a model, learning to be comfortable in your own skin will be beneficial for the rest of your life.
I know what it takes to be able to love myself, but that doesn't mean I'm there yet. And I'm finally OK with that. I'm learning to appreciate the journey I'm on and patiently looking forward to reaching my destination, wherever that may be.
