Two years ago, all I wanted was to escape from myself. I wanted to escape my mind, my body and my soul. I spent day after day feeling terrible for myself. My life sucked because I made it suck. I was at rock bottom. I hoped every day that this would be the worst of it. I just wanted good things to happen to me.
What I didn’t notice is I had the power to change my life whenever I wanted to. Instead of working on myself, I sulked. My grades were horrible, I couldn’t have fun at social events, I was pushing away friends and I was holding onto a person who did not care about me at all. I blamed this all on my mental illness. I was sick, and I knew it. I wanted help, but at the same time, I denied help all of the time. The scars on my body were hidden with clothing, but the people who knew me well enough knew that nothing could REALLY hide these scars. I was prescribed three pills to take every morning, each day hoping they would one day magically work. Each pill was supposed to attack every one of my demons: depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder. The pills weren’t working because I wasn’t working.
One year ago, I thought I was on the road to happiness. I absolutely loved the friends I had, and I also made a new group of friends. I was a senior in high school, ready to get the hell out and move on to college. I was content, but I was not happy.
In the past year, so much has changed, for the best. I woke up one day and realized I am more than my illness. I am more than medication and weekly therapy appointments. I am destined for greatness. It took me so long to realize that. As college started, I saw a HUGE improvement in myself. I was happy to go to school, my grades were good, and I was making friendships with amazing people, while still remaining friends with those who were there all along.
I knew there were three ways to really improve yourself- work on your MIND, BODY and your SOUL. That’s just what I did. I trained my mind to think positive thoughts most of the time. I woke up every day with a great attitude, ready to take on the world. I started exercising and eating cleaner, and I felt so much better about myself. As for my soul, it has grown and become so happy due to the amazing people I surround myself with. It is hard, but if I feel as if someone is a negative force in my life, I will get rid of that person. It’s for me, it’s for the best.
I have never been better than I am right now. I know of my struggles, and I have grown from them. I am one of the lucky ones. I have blossomed from my darkest times. I am not my illness, however, I have become the person I am due to it.
Of course, I have bad days. But I no longer feel as if I have a bad life. I am so proud of myself, and the strong person that I’ve become. It was not easy but it was worth it. Today, I am one of the strongest people I know, and I plan for it to stay that way.
If you are struggling, please know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. One day, you will meet the person you are supposed to be, and when you do, you will find immense joy and happiness. Make your life the best life you can possibly live. Become the person you want to be, right now. It is never too late. If you don’t like something in your life, change it right now. I promise you will be happier. Do what it takes to make yourself more positive, and do it now. Stop waiting for someday -- remember that TODAY is someday.
