Like most people, I am not the type of person to EVER admit that I need help. I work through things on my own, I keep everything to myself and I move on with my life. I have struggled with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember honestly and I never let anybody know it. I would never try to lean on anybody for help until I met my boyfriend.
I am not saying I wouldn't complain to my friends, because I sure as hell did and I still do. But, complaining to your friends is not always a cry for help or completely disclosing exactly how you feel and why you feel, it's usually just talking. But my boyfriend? That is a different story.
He came into my life when I did not know I needed him. He came into my life when I was struggling. He came into my life, picked me up, put me on his back, and carried me. He came into my life and completely changed how I looked at the world. He did not only change the way I think about others but he changed the way that I think about myself.
He is my shoulder to cry on. The one person who listens to everything I say, no matter how many times I say it. He is the one who is pushing me to do what is best for me in one of the hardest times of my life. He is the one who made me realize that I deserve better from my friends and from my family.
He is the person who tells me what I need to hear.
I have experienced love in my life before but this was a different type of love. My parents were not together when I was born or throughout my life so I never really had any idea of what a real relationship looked like. I never knew what it was like to see two people in love except in movies and we all know that isn't real.
He taught me love.
That is the cheesiest thing I have ever said but it is true. Loving your family and friends is so different than the love you feel for a significant other.
As we get older, things seem to get harder. We both have our own busy schedules and not much free time to talk like we used to. We argue about stupid little things that don't matter and probably never will. We get angry. We cry...well I do most of the crying. But all of the emotions and feelings that we throw at each other is nothing short of love.
We fight because we want everything to work out. I cry because I want him to understand where I am coming from. I think people tend to break up or get upset when their relationship isn't perfect, but nothing is perfect.
I am not perfect. He is not perfect. We are not perfect. But he came at the perfectly right time and made me realize that I don't have to go through life on my own. I am allowed to lean on someone for help. He came when I never thought I needed him.
I am here to say that no matter how badly you want to be independent and deal with things on your own, it is okay to let someone in. It is okay to need someone, even when you really don't think you do.