To The Guy I Never Knew I Needed

To The Guy I Never Knew I Needed

I have been struggling with things all my life but the hardest things have come during my relationship with my boyfriend. I was never one to know or admit that I needed someone but he came and stayed through everything and I could not be more thankful.

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Like most people, I am not the type of person to EVER admit that I need help. I work through things on my own, I keep everything to myself and I move on with my life. I have struggled with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember honestly and I never let anybody know it. I would never try to lean on anybody for help until I met my boyfriend.

I am not saying I wouldn't complain to my friends, because I sure as hell did and I still do. But, complaining to your friends is not always a cry for help or completely disclosing exactly how you feel and why you feel, it's usually just talking. But my boyfriend? That is a different story.

He came into my life when I did not know I needed him. He came into my life when I was struggling. He came into my life, picked me up, put me on his back, and carried me. He came into my life and completely changed how I looked at the world. He did not only change the way I think about others but he changed the way that I think about myself.

He is my shoulder to cry on. The one person who listens to everything I say, no matter how many times I say it. He is the one who is pushing me to do what is best for me in one of the hardest times of my life. He is the one who made me realize that I deserve better from my friends and from my family.

He is the person who tells me what I need to hear.

I have experienced love in my life before but this was a different type of love. My parents were not together when I was born or throughout my life so I never really had any idea of what a real relationship looked like. I never knew what it was like to see two people in love except in movies and we all know that isn't real.

He taught me love.

That is the cheesiest thing I have ever said but it is true. Loving your family and friends is so different than the love you feel for a significant other.

As we get older, things seem to get harder. We both have our own busy schedules and not much free time to talk like we used to. We argue about stupid little things that don't matter and probably never will. We get angry. We cry...well I do most of the crying. But all of the emotions and feelings that we throw at each other is nothing short of love.

We fight because we want everything to work out. I cry because I want him to understand where I am coming from. I think people tend to break up or get upset when their relationship isn't perfect, but nothing is perfect.

I am not perfect. He is not perfect. We are not perfect. But he came at the perfectly right time and made me realize that I don't have to go through life on my own. I am allowed to lean on someone for help. He came when I never thought I needed him.

I am here to say that no matter how badly you want to be independent and deal with things on your own, it is okay to let someone in. It is okay to need someone, even when you really don't think you do.

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11 Things Your Roommate Definitely Knows About You

The perks of living with someone else.
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Some are chosen, some are assigned. Either way, it is the same. Like it or not, your roommate is one of the people that knows the very most about you because they are lucky enough to live with you. Here are some things that they can't help but know:

1.Your class schedule:

When you are going to be in and out of the room. Basically where you are at all times.

2. Your favorite meal at the dining hall.

No judgement for eating pasta six out of seven days of the week.

3. Your favorite type of alcohol.

You guys are always going out together so eventually she catches on to what you do and do not like to drink.

4. Your comfort food.

For when you have a hard test coming up or just can't get that text back.

5. Every person that you hate.

She hears about any drama in your life so of course she knows everyone you can't stand.

6. Your best friend from home.

You know, the people from your hometown that you actually want to remember. Your roommate may not have met them, but she definitely knows all about them.

7. Which show you are currently binge-watching on Netflix.

And she's either telling you not to give any of it away because she hasn't seen it yet or anxiously asking what just happened because she watched it first and wants to know what part you're at.

8. How often you nap.

But she doesn't judge you because she does it just as often. In fact, there is nothing better than roomie nap time.

9. Your campus boyfriend.

And by boyfriend, I mean that one guy from your psychology class who you admire from a distance and secretly hope you will marry one day.

10. All of the dumb (hilarious) things you did last weekend.

Because the best part of a night out is telling all about it the next morning.

11. That you just so happen to have the coolest roommate around.

Cover Image Credit: ABC

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To All 15 of My Flings In 2018, Thank You, Next

You taught me that I am good enough for anyone, but this does not mean I should settle.

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2018 was my promiscuous year. And by that I mean the year I went on the most dates (maybe like 50 tbh), had the most hookups and flirted more than I ever did. 2018 shaped me and changed how I saw things. Many men entered my life but also left. Rather than bashing on them like a certain pop star, yes Taylor Swift I'm talking about you, I decided to take Ariana Grande's approach. Because by meeting these men, I learned about myself and what I wanted.

So this is a letter to my hookups, my exes, the guys I chose not to give a second date to, my stalker and the guys who hurt me.

Thank you, but next.

All names have been changed for the purpose of this article. P.S I did not sleep with all these men, but even if I did there should be no judgment!

1. Andrew

Andrew, you made me hurt a lot. I was so caught up on you, I isolated myself from people because of you. I did things I wouldn't normally do for you. You did teach me a lot of pain. But also a lot of lessons. You taught me that a woman should never feel like a secret. She should be wanted more than after 2 am. She should not have to sacrifice a lot to be with someone. You taught me that my status does not equal my value. I hope you learned your lessons too. Thank you.

2. Alex

Alex, you were undeniably handsome smooth and funny. We actually still talk a lot because you're just very charming. What I learned from you is that guys should be able to listen. Which is what you were really good at. When you'd come over I knew I was going to laugh a lot, even if you stumbled in drunk or smell like weed. But what I also learned was that sometimes things don't go as planned. Why we would never work out is because your lifestyle is very different from mine. But thank you anyways.

3. AA

AA, where do I even begin with you? At one point I really did want us to date because you had everything together. You made me laugh, you drove hours to see me on a given night. But you taught me that the person I should be with will accept all of me. The person I should be with will push me towards my goals and love me for who I truly am. You taught me that sometimes life does get in the way of people and if it was meant to be it would have happened. Thank you for always listening, telling me I was beautiful and calling me if I was freaking out. I'm sorry I wasn't ready to date you when you asked. But thank you, for still thinking about me.

4. August 

August, you were great. It was fun to go back and forth with you because the laughter was endless. You taught me that I don't have to give myself to someone so easily. You taught me that I can be flirty, sexy and smart all in one. Though we never moved as far as a kiss, thanks for taking care of me when I was drunk, lost and bored. I'm proud of where you are now. Thank you for everything.

5. Allen  

Allen, you are still a great friend. Thanks for getting along well with my friends. Thank you for teaching me that I don't need to hide my sexual orientation from anyone because that's who I am. Thank you for constantly pushing me to be the best I can be.

6. Alec

Alec, thank you for putting up with me and my friends. I know we can be a lot to handle. You taught me that the guy I should end up would only have eyes for me. And that I should not be anyone's second choice. Thanks.

7. Andre

Andre, you were a mess if I'm being honest. Yet you were there for me when I needed you and for that I thank you. Thanks for visiting me over those lonely summer nights. You taught me that a guy should not cheat or lie. You taught me that a guy should not fear to be around his partners' friends. You taught me that everyone has a backstory and not to judge someone based off looks. Thank you.

8. Alan 

Alan, I have no words to describe you. Though you were good to my friends and had goals you seemed to still be searching for yourself. You taught me that a woman should never wait on a man. You taught me that I should not feel like an object. You taught me that I am good enough for anyone, but this does not mean I should settle. You taught me that I should not feel used. Thank you.

9. Ace

Ace, though we only had one summer night of making out you did teach me something. You taught me that guys don't always have to be the ones to make the first move. You taught me that a guy should truly listen to what I had to say and that I should feel beautiful all the time. Thank you.

10. Angel

Angel, the day I met you was very rushed. You made me laugh but also made me feel a little bad afterward. You taught me that sex isn't gratification. You still ended up wanting to date me, but I just couldn't, I'm sorry. You taught me that I should be able to go out and have fun and not have to worry about being hurt. Thank you.

11. Aiden 

Aiden, you took me out of my comfort zone. I'm glad I met some people through you but I did regret it the next day. You taught me that guys and girls can be friends after sex. You also taught me that I shouldn't be too vulnerable when meeting new people. Thank you.

12. Adam 

Adam, I loved taking on new adventures with you. Thank you for trusting me with all your secrets. You taught me that a guy should go beyond the first date to impress me. He should make me laugh, be spontaneous, make me try new things and make me feel wanted. You taught me that distance shouldn't be an excuse for not being with someone. Thank you for being there, I'm sorry I wasn't ready to date.

13. Abe

Abe, you scared me. You taught me that a guy shouldn't blow up my phone. You taught me that I shouldn't fear the person I am with. You taught me that I shouldn't feel embarrassed with the person I am with. You taught me that a guy should never talk to a girl with harsh language, You taught me that a guy shouldn't control someone else's life to show he cares. You taught me that guy should never degrade a girl. Thank you.

14. Anthony

Anthony, you gave me a lot of happiness. You taught me that a guy can test me intellectually. You taught me that I should go for anything and everything I want. You taught me that people have different ways of showing others how they care. You taught me that I can be really goofy and that's perfectly okay. You taught me, that just because someone sounds perfect on paper, doesn't mean they are. You taught me that there are going to be a lot of broken hearts before I meet the right the person. You taught me to love myself no matter what size I am. You taught me to always voice my opinion. You taught me that it's okay not to be okay all the time. You taught me that guy should have eyes for me, and only me. You taught me that a guy should not lie. You taught me that a heart stings when they get hurt. You taught me that a guy should work really hard if he wants to be serious. You taught me a lot. Thank you.

15. A

A, you taught me that our story is just beginning.

Look, you're going to meet so many people in your life, but this does not mean you should settle for anything less. I know now more than ever that my top priority is myself. I have to make sure myself is taken care of first.

Thank you to all the guys who were in my life, but it's time to move on. Yes, it's going to hurt, you'll start questioning what you did wrong, or how you could be better. But remember in order to love someone else, you need to love yourself first.

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