When you grow up in a split household, there are certain things that are just bound to happen to you. Words like 'child support' become a normal part of your vocabulary, and plans for holidays are usually a mystery. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with having parents who are not together, there are certain things that children like me grow up with.
Truth Number One: Extended Families Are a Thing
Step parents, step siblings, half siblings and everyone else suddenly is added on to the list when talking about your family. Not only that, but 'family' usually ends up extending into your close group of friends as well, and you wouldn't have it any other way! While it can be tedious finding birthday presents for everyone, it just means that life is far from quiet and simple. Sure, Christmas cards tend to look like an episode of "Yours, Mine, and Ours," but life is more fun that way!
Truth Number Two: You Are Usually Less Judgmental
It's hard to judge someone else for their unorthodox lives when your own life isn't exactly normal. You have a single mom? Me, too. You have two dads? Cool, I mostly grew up without one. You're one of 13 siblings? Awesome, I'll make myself number 14. Nothing really phases us much, and as long as you're happy, that's all that matters!
Truth Number Three: Distance is Hard
Whether your parents live 10 minutes or 10 hours away from each other, having to travel to see either one is hard. Most children only have to walk into the other room to see their fathers. For me, I have to get on two separate planes for over eight hours to see mine. When I'm at my mom's, I miss my dad. When I'm at my dad's, I miss my mom. It's a vicious cycle that just can't be broken. And let me tell you, flying alone during the holiday season is one of the loneliest things you can do.
Truth Number Four: The Feeling of Being Out Of Place is Constant
When even your last name is different than the people you live with, it's sometimes hard to feel like you truly belong. There is always a joke you won't get, a memory you miss out on, and a milestone you'll miss because you won't be there. For me, I missed my sister's first words and steps. Even though you and your family love each other, there is always a nagging feeling that you're a visitor in your own home.
Truth Number Five: Having Issues With Your Identity
Do I like the city where my mom lives, or the country where my dad lives? Am I a southern girl or a northerner? Where is home? Do I agree with my mom or dad politically? All of these questions tend not to have clear answers. While most young people struggle with finding out who they are, it's twice as hard when your closest family is spread out across half the country.
Now, I would not have traded the way I grew up for anything. If my parents had stayed together, I would never have been blessed with my sister or step parents. I would not have seen most of the states I have, and I would not have expanded my world as much as I've been able to. So even though times can be hard, push through. Because you're loved, even if it's by four parents instead of two.
