The Feeling Of Needing To Make Everyone Happy

The Feeling Of Needing To Make Everyone Happy

And Why It's Nonsense
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Simply stated, the concept of needing to make everyone happy is putting everyone else before yourself in a more drastic way. It sounds selfless, right? It’s because it is. But, while you’re trying to be the good guy, your conflicted feelings of who to please and the difficulty of keeping peace eats you alive. Your happiness should always come first, but it’s easier said than done. Here’s why that feeling to please everyone is nonsense, and why making yourself happy is the most necessary.

If you aren’t sure if you are trying to make everyone happy, you can ask yourself a few questions.

Who are you living life for?

If the answer is anyone but yourself, you have a problem. It’s okay to say you live your life inspired by someone, but it’s different when you act because you think a specific person would want to act that way, or you behave just to receive approval from someone. Are you pursuing a career path just because someone asked you to? Did you design your apartment based on your grandma’s wishes? When you decide to do things for yourself, it’s allowing you to learn more about yourself and focus on your true wishes. No matter what, you’ll always have yourself in the end.

What actions have you taken to benefit yourself?

Okay, so maybe you wore a dress that your mom likes, or you ate something that your aunt insisted tasted amazing but was the opposite. If you are doing this on a repeated basis, you’re not benefiting yourself, you’re only benefiting those around you. Of-course, it’s easier to say yes, but when it becomes a pattern of substituting your own wishes to save some hurt feelings, it has gone too far.

Are you a “yes” person?

Do you consistently say yes, no matter how loaded the task? Are you afraid of letting people down? Maybe it’s at work, or maybe it’s with your professors. You want to do everything you possibly can, but, you can only do so much. Did your parents ever use the analogy “well, if ‘(name)’ told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?”. It’s the same idea. You can’t say yes to everything. It’s unhealthy.

The only person you need to worry about making happy is yourself. Not everyone is going to approve of what you do, and that is okay. You don’t need to make everyone happy. If you live your life trying to make everyone else happy, just like I admittedly still do, (I’m in recovery), you’ll drive yourself crazy. It’s almost like an addiction, it’s hard to stop. It’s a trait you can’t just get rid of. I can name a lot of reasons I’m happy, based on things that have happened, or people I’ve met; so can you. I recently found myself the happiest when I stopped caring about what people were going to say. I made a decision, and I ignored the negative things people said. I promise you, the moment I did that, I’ve never been better.

Cover Image Credit: quotesgram.com

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An Open Letter To The Judgmental People In My Hometown

Imperfections are what gives a diamond its value.
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Dear judgemental, simple minded people from my hometown,

I am sorry that I have never met your level of perfection.

Coming from a small town, everyone settles to the norm of the people around them. Unlike you all, I have always been a little bit different.

I've never understood why everyone always seems to feel the need to talk down to the next person. People love to gossip about a situation as long as the situation has nothing to do with them. For every move I made, someone was always there to bring out the negativity in the situation. You all are always sweeping around somebody else's doorstep when I know your doorstep is not clean. Maybe it is time to buy a new broom. I know that I cannot please everybody and that I will also not be liked by everybody. However, I deserve respect just as the next person.

SEE ALSO: Forgiving Someone Who Didn't Ask For It

I hope for the sake of the future generations of our small town, you all can learn to be more accepting to change.

I hope that no one judges your children like some of you all have judged me. I hope that the people that you love and care about are welcomed and accepted for who they are.

If we put as much time into being better people or helping others like you put into judging others, the world would be a much better place.

Imperfections are what gives a diamond its value. Pebbles are perfectly round. I'd much rather be a diamond, one in a million, than a pebble that fits in.

Sincerely,

The one whose every move you criticize

Cover Image Credit: Haley Williamson

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Today, I'm Grateful For The Accident That Nearly Ended Everything

It changed my life for the worse — and then for the better.

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Four years ago, on August 5th, 2014, I was in a car accident on highway I-80. We swerved over the median and into oncoming traffic. I was in the front passenger seat so I was at the point of impact. I broke my right hand, my right leg and I got a traumatic brain injury. I was in the hospital for almost two months and then was in therapy for a few months after that.

Though it was subtle, the accident changed me as a person and at first, I hated it. I wanted to go back to the way I was before and didn't understand why I couldn't. But looking back, I'm happy the accident happened and turned me into who I am today.

It's an odd thing to say, right? I'm glad my life and personality were almost permanently changed due to this traumatic car accident. But let me explain.

Before the accident, I was a shy little thing that didn't like to talk about my problems. I was depressed but no one knew so I wasn't getting the help I needed. After the accident, however, it was like a dam had broken in me. I couldn't stop talking and I was telling everyone about my problems. I was an introvert that suddenly had to navigate how to be an extrovert. I had to learn where the line was of what was appropriate to say and talk about and what wasn't.

Thankfully, after four years, I have a therapist to help me with my mental health and I think I have the whole socializing thing down... for the most part.

Another benefit of the accident is that is showed me who my real friends are. Most people who I considered to be my friends visited me for my first month out of the hospital. They would tell me how classes are going and how they missed me but then they would talk about themselves and their problems like I was only there to listen; I wasn't supposed to talk about my problems but I did. Some of them drifted away and didn't text me or ask me to hang out with them after a few months. It really hurt and made me really sad and wonder, "What did I do?" I felt so alone.

Eventually, I realized that how they were acting was not my fault and if they treated me like that, then they weren't my real friends. It taught me how I deserve to be treated and it's okay if the only company you have is you.

One of the best good things that came out of the whole hospitalization thing is that I got a dog! His name is Winchester, Chester for short, and he is a mini husky. I picked him out from pictures my dad showed me and I liked that he had one eye that was half brown and half blue. I went with my dad to pick him up from the breeder in Kansas only a week after I got out of the hospital. Chester sat on my lap the whole three hours home. My parents got him for me because they thought it would be nice for me to have a little companion and they were right. He doesn't bark or pee in the house, he's loyal, he can be playful but he can also be lazy. He is the bestest little puppers ever and I love him so much!

Moral of the story: If you want a dog but your parents won't get you one, get in an accident that almost kills you and then maybe they'll get you a dog. (But really don't do that.)

Throughout the years, I've spent too much time thinking about what would have happened if I hadn't gotten in the car that day. But I think this was something that was meant to happen to me. If I hadn't been in that accident, I might've gotten hurt a different way and my injuries could have been worse. I am actually thankful that this happened to me because if it hadn't, who knows the kind of person I would be today?

Plus, if it hadn't happened, I wouldn't have gotten a dog and he makes my life so much better so I'm glad I have him.

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