After much thought and consideration, I have decided to write this letter because I thought it was time you knew what you missed out on. I’m not writing this to express my anger or distaste, but more so to fill you in on what you’ve missed and to thank you for not being there.
You weren’t there for the majority of my life. You would occasionally come around for some of the big moments; I had to make you look like a good father... but a good father is around ALL the time. So, don’t act like you're dad of the year, you’re not.
I really want to be mad at you for everything you haven’t done. For many years, I stood up for you and defended your absence. I said that you were busy taking care of my other brothers, and that you didn’t have time for me. It wasn’t until I was older that I realized how much bullshit that was. So, not only did I not have a relationship with you, but I also missed out on a relationship with my siblings. Quite honestly, that’s not fair. As I’ve matured over the years, I have realized that growing up without you was the best thing for me.
When’s the last time we talked? Truthfully, I don’t remember. How about the last time you asked to see me? Don’t remember that either.
I want you to know all the things you missed out on. You missed out on good times and bad times. You’ve never saw the way my eyes light up when I’m passionate about something, or the bags under my eyes after a long day at work. You’ve never saw the makeup smeared down my face from crying when I just can’t handle school anymore. You’ve never saw me having fun with my friends, or how hard I have worked to make sure I pass a class. You have no idea how many hours I have spent volunteering to help animals. You don’t know my fears, dreams or my favorite flavor of ice cream. You don’t know my obsession for blankets, or that I take my stuffed moose on vacations with me. You don’t know that I have mild anxiety that I deal with every day. You’ve never saw me experience heartbreak, and you were never there to comfort me.
To be completely honest, dad, you don’t even know me at all.
Over the years, I have had many people step in place of you. My mom, mom’s boyfriend, my grandma, my friend’s parents, my friends… the list could go on. In reality, I didn’t need you. I have made it this far without you, and I’m doing pretty damn well. I have become the person I am without your help, and let me just say that I am proud of myself for that. Without you in my life I became strong, happy, caring, and most importantly… a good person who will take charge of their responsibilities.
I’m proud of myself because I made it through high school. I’m proud of myself for working hard every single day so, I can be a college graduate and start living my dreams. I’m proud that after years I finally realized not having you around wasn’t the worst thing that could happen to me.
You didn’t teach me how to drive or how to get a job. You didn’t teach me how to do my taxes. What you did teach me is to be independent. You taught me to never depend on anyone else, especially a man. You made me realize just how strong I really am, and that I can do anything I set my mind to without you being around. You taught me that not having a father around doesn’t make me any less of a successful person.
No matter what, I’ll always have love for you in my heart. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be here today. I will always hope for the best for you and my brothers, but my life is better because you weren’t around. So thanks for the check you send me every month. It’s the LEAST you can do.
Sincerely,
Your biological daughter
