It’s beautiful in Lubbock, Texas, right now. It can’t be more than 75 degrees on my balcony, with a soft wind blowing my hair around my face. The sky is beautiful, light blue and purple on one side, light pink and yellow on the other as the sun sinks lower into the sky.
My neighbor is grilling steaks next door on his patio, and he probably thinks I’m crazy since I’ve been singing along with the hymns playing on my phone for the last ten minutes. At least it isn’t Eminem this time.
I’m cooling down from a five mile run, enjoying the beautiful weather and the peaceful West Texas evening. These are the nights I’m so thankful for, when the homework is minimum and the commitments are small, and I can simply sit and relax and enjoy the little things I’ve been blessed with.
As I’m sitting and watching and singing, a little bird is trying to get from Point A to Point B with little success. He’s come barreling around the side of my apartment five or six times now, getting no more than a few feet before the wind blows him back. He’s a tiny little guy, and he looks a lot like the sparrow tattooed on my ankle. It’s almost comical, watching him fly against the wind only to get blown back, time after time. It probably would be funny, if I didn’t resonate with him so much.
The last few days have seen such horrendous tragedy that there are hardly words to describe it. In Florida, 49 innocent people were slaughtered in the biggest mass shooting the United States in history, at the hands of a man who pledged allegiance to the Islamic State. Let me reiterate that — they were innocent people. A lot has been in the news about how this occurred at Orlando’s premier gay nightclub, prompting some people to say that they “got what they deserved”. The fact that some of my fellow countrymen can make such a statement breaks my heart. And the fact that they can use the Bible in such a hateful, hurtful way hurts me even worse. And if it hurts me — finite-minded, tiny, broken, imperfect me — then I can’t even imagine how it makes God feel.
Earlier in the weekend, another senseless act of violence took the life of 22-year-old singer, Christina Grimmie. She was a beautiful, talented young woman who had so much potential, and the voice of an angel. She was spirited, joyful, energetic, and, like the victims in Orlando, innocent. I didn’t follow her singing career, but when my news app on my phone went off with the notification that a man with a history of violence shot her, then turned and took his own life, after her concert in Orlando on Friday, my eyes filled with tears. My initial thoughts went to her family and her friends, who’d had no idea when the day began their beautiful Christina would end the night in the arms of the Lord.
In light of tragedies such as these, I am left speechless, unable to completely wrap my mind around it, wondering how humanity could commit such terrible crimes. How a man could turn a gun on another innocent human being. How is that even a conceivable reality? How can 49 people wake up to the sun shining, make breakfast, go about their days, and then go out at night, and never come back home? How can 49 lives be ended at the hand of one man? How can one life be ended at the hand of one man?
Last night, I laid in bed and closed my eyes, and asked God why? Why is this happening? Why these people? Why this beautiful girl who loved You and praised Your name? I know these awful things that happened are not His fault. I know they didn’t happen because God made them happen. I know that my Father is weeping in heaven as He watches his children slaughter one another. I know tears fall over every single soul that He crafted so carefully, that He loves so much, that He knit together in their mother’s wombs, that he endowed with gifts, and talents, and passions, and hopes, and dreams — I know it breaks His heart.
I know that.
But still my question remains: Why did something like this happen?
The only answer that I can come to, the only answer that gives me any peace, is this: it happened because this world is a broken, fallen place, and it is full of broken, fallen people.
It didn’t happen because evil is triumphing over good. It didn’t happen because the bad guys are smarter, better, quicker than the good guys. It didn’t happen because that’s just the way it is. It didn’t happen because of a lack of gun control or because of issues with gun laws.
It happened because this world, and everything in it, is tainted by sickness and sin. The Bible says in Romans 8:7 that “the mind set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot”. Humanity has been tainted by sin, and until a person accepts Jesus as Lord and submits to the Spirit, they are under the law of the flesh. And what that means is, under the law of the flesh, they are subject to sin. And being subject to sin opens the door for the father of sin to walk in and take up residence. Ephesians 6:12 says that “we are not fighting against human beings but against the wicked spiritual forces in the heavenly world, the rulers, authorities, and cosmic powers of this dark age” (GNT).
It’s not something we often think about, but there are two forces at work in this world. Call them what you want: good and evil, right and wrong, God and the devil. Jesus himself calls Satan the prince of this world, and he says that it is him who “prowls around like a roaring lion, waiting for someone to devour” — 1 Peter 5:8. It is him who has come to “steal, kill, and destroy” — John 10:10. It is the devil who assaults our hearts, and it is the devil who is behind hatred, murder, injustice, and ignorance.
Let me be very clear on this: It is not God the Father who is behind these things. Jesus said that he came to give us life, and for us to have it abundantly. The Bible says that every good and perfect gift comes from the Father. It says that He loves us with an everlasting love, a love that spans the entirety of time itself, that crosses the distance of galaxy to galaxy. We are His children in whom He is well pleased. Our God loves us, in the truest sense of the word. His initial plan did not include suffering and death.
No, that came at the hands of the serpent. It has been the devil’s greatest joy since the beginning of time to distort our view of God, to make us think that He is something He’s not. He loves to insight tragedy and plant seeds of doubt. He loves to watch those seeds grow until they cause us to question the very existence of God himself.
But God is very real.
And this, this deception of His children, the lies that we are fed, the pain that we feel on a daily basis, and the tragedies that rock our world… It’s not something that the Lord will let go without punishment.
Romans 12:19 reads, “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.” What a chilling — and comforting — verse that is. Imagine being the one that the God of the universe is extracting vengeance on. The One who created the roaring waves, the One who controls the bolts of lightening and rolls of thunder, the One who fashioned the mountains in all their majesty, the One who has seen the storehouses of snow, the One who’s very voice shakes the Earth on its foundations… This is our God, and He is great and mighty in power. And He doesn’t take the bullying of His children lightly.
Understand that the Lord is God, and His Word will stand.
The good news of His Word is that in the end, God wins. Satan is quickly running out of time, and he knows it, and he’s running scared. He’s making as big a mess as he possibly can because he knows that his time running the show here on earth is coming to an end, and soon, he will be defeated at the hand of Jesus. One day soon, Satan will be thrown into the lake of fire, and “the dwelling place of God [will be] with man, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the former things have passed away” (Revelations 21:4). What a sweet promise to hold on to, even as this world gets scarier and scarier every day.
And in the meantime, God is with us. His Spirit is here in the midst of the pain and suffering. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3). He hurts with the ones who hurt, He weeps with the ones who weep, and He comforts the ones who are struck by tragedy. Our God is a good, merciful, loving Father, and His heart breaks for His children.
I know these aren’t the answers that some want to hear. I know these words won’t right the wrongs that have been done, or bring back the innocent lives that were lost. I just couldn’t help but think about God as I sat on my patio tonight and stared at the sky, and I couldn’t help but ache for Him. I know that it’s our human nature to turn around and blame Him when things go wrong, because “He’s God and He’s supposed to be in charge of everything.”
Well, He is. Don’t misunderstand — God is all powerful. But the consequences of sin and depravity in this world are very real, and it is because of them that death and tragedy and heartache are a part of life.
The old song rings true — God has the whole world in His hands. He knows what was, what is, and what is to come. It’s a hard concept to understand, but I try to look at it like this: a parent knows when they have a child that the child will face adversities. They know that the child will have trouble in their life. They know that sometimes the road will be paved with happiness and sometimes it will be paved with sorrow. They know that it won’t always be easy, and sometimes terrible things may happen. The know all this, and still they have the child. They still give their child life, give their child the chance to navigate this crazy world, to experience love and joy and passion and sunsets and music and good Mexican food and all the beautiful things it has to offer, as well as the bad things that may happen. And through it all, that parent is always there for the child (or should be), loving and encouraging and comforting them every step of the way.
They don’t cause the heartaches their children endure — they understand that it’s part of living in this broken world. They knew that life could be hard, but they also knew that life could be wonderful.
That’s how I think it is with God. He’s way more powerful than an earthly parent, obviously, but the general idea is the same. God knows that for us to experience the good, sometimes we have to experience the bad as well. And when the bad comes, He is there with open arms, ready to embrace us, comfort us, and say, “Don’t worry, child. I will take care of you.”
Even in the hardest, saddest, darkest of times, God is here with us.
So back to the little bird, fighting against the wind. Did he ever get where he was trying to go? Well I can’t answer that question for sure, since I don’t know where he was headed to. But I can say this — as I was watching him fly, it began to look a lot like he was enjoying himself. I know, I know, it sounds silly. But honestly, with every dip of the wind, he would swoop higher, lower, arc around in circles, and begin the process again, riding the waves of the wind as they came. No matter which direction the wind took him, he kept his wings open and flew, as he was created to do. And you can call me crazy, but it sure looked like he was having fun doing it.
What a valuable lesson we can learn from this little bird.
I don’t have all the answers to the hard questions. I don’t understand why innocent people die and guilty people live. I don’t understand why parents have to lose their children.
But what I do understand is that God is a good, good Father, who loves His children passionately, fiercely, and protectively. I understand that one day, the one who causes all of this heartache and grief will get what he deserves at the hand of my Savior, Jesus.
That gives me peace through this dark time. Like the sun setting at night, I lean on the promise of tomorrow, knowing that God is already there, waiting with open arms.
Let your steadfast love comfort me according to your promise to your servant.
Psalm 119:76
For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced... For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.
2 Corinthians 1:8-9
