The Evolution Of Dating

The Evolution Of Dating

And how I fit into it.
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Believe it or not, dating culture hasn’t always revolved around your photos in your Facebook album or the witty one-liners in your Tinder bio. Hard to believe, I know, but it’s true. Dating has evolved so much over the course of even just a few generations; sometimes it’s hard for us to realize that online dating and hook ups aren’t the only way to go about it. However, that is where our society stands now on the subject of dating (for the most part), which is something I’ve been struggling to conform to. So, like any confused college student, I took to Google to help me try and figure out where I may have fit in when it comes to our past dating rituals.

1700s

Let’s start by going way back. I mean, like, way back. Now, most of you reading this probably aren’t going to be jumping at the opportunity to experience what dating was like in the 1700s, but that’s where we’ll start. In the colonial era period, dating wasn’t even called “dating”. Instead, it was referred to by almost everyone as a “courtship,” which usually meant that your family or friends would accompany you on almost all of your dates to judge whether or not the two being matched were suitable for a life together. Hopeless romantic? Want to be in love with your spouse? Oh, that’s too bad. Those things didn’t really exist here.

1800s-1900s

Since then, dating has evolved quite a bit throughout the centuries. Towards the 1800s-1900s, the idea of love and romance was becoming widely popular when it came to choosing a partner or spouse. During this time, couples also experienced huge boundaries between the worlds of men and women. It was often expected that only the male in the relationship be seen in public while women were expected to be much more private and secluded. Surprisingly, this separation created a romantic intrigue among partners.

1920s-1950s

Ever bring a significant other home to your grandma? If so, there’s probably a good chance that she’s asked you if you two are “going steady,” a term that began to rise in the '40s and '50s about couples who were seen together regularly. Oh, by the way, at this point in time we also finally got rid of the term “courting” and instead, “dating” was finally born!

1960s-1970s

Let’s talk about sex, baby. Not really, but during the '60s and '70s is when sex finally started to become publicly recognized as an enjoyable act of love and connection, rather than a hushed taboo. The '70s were also a time of rising equality for men and women as more and more women were asking men on dates, paying for meals and were looked at as having equal responsibilities and individualism as men in the relationship.

1980s-2000s

We’ll start to wrap it up here between the decades of the '80s, '90s and 2000s when dating became much more casual and started to mirror how our culture dates currently. The Internet’s popularity was on the rise and with it, so was online dating. There was less concern with commitment and more focus on relaxed, open relationships that focused more on sex and less on traditional dating rituals.

My personal struggle with dating stems mostly from forcing myself to try to fit into the mold of millennial-age dating — hook-up culture and the lack of exclusivity has been something I’ve been struggling to conform to. So my question to you is: should I have to? When the surrounding world all seems to be so comfortable with this notion of “just talking” or “hanging out” or “hooking up," it’s hard to ignore the fact that those are things I’m just finding myself not fitting in with. For now, my solution is unclear. I think that my confusion is understandable given the drastic changes that our dating culture has endured, but that doesn’t mean I don’t wish it was there.
Cover Image Credit: Google Images

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An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.
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Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

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We Spend So Much Time Talking About How Much Men Suck In 2019, That We Forget Girls Are Just As Bad

I always talk about how awful guys can be, but let's take a second to talk about how awful my own sex can be, too.

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In our culture, we tend to place all the blame on guys in most relationships by saying how "all men suck" but what about girls?

Girls can be just as bad.

I'm constantly saying how bad guys can be but yet I never stop to analyze things I've done that weren't okay or things my fellow female friends have done that was awful.

I'm not innocent either, I've done some terrible things to really nice guys in my life.

There was one man in my life that genuinely cared for me and wanted to date me but I didn't feel the same at all and lead him on. I honestly didn't think I was leading him on at first but the minute I realized it I tried to nicely let him down. To this day I feel awful about it because I hurt him the way many other guys in my life have hurt me.

I tend to defend my own gender a lot in conversations and I now understand that I really shouldn't. I've seen so many of my female friends treat great guys terribly and have ignored it for so long because I want to believe that females can't be that awful. I was wrong.

I've had some of my best guy friends get treated like absolute garbage by girls that wanted to just party and partake in the hookup culture rather than be with a great guy. I don't get it.

If you have a great man that you're attracted to and loves you unconditionally why would you want to throw it away to chase after boys that won't remember your name the next day?

I've had to keep secrets for friends before that ate me up inside. I had a friend who cheated on her boyfriend by kissing another man in front of me and kept it quiet.

It is NEVER okay to do that to someone, especially a guy that truly cares about you.

It is NOT OK to be on dating apps while dating someone. If you are dating someone, you're exclusive. There is no need to continue talking to men that obviously don't want to just be your friend. There is no good excuse and if you have to try and justify it to yourself, then it's probably not a good idea.

I honestly made myself believe that females didn't play the games men play with our hearts, but we can be just as bad if not worse than a lot of men.

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