My first love was one of the most exciting and longest journeys of my life. I was having so many new experiences while being completely infatuated with another human being. I thought my first love was going to be my last love. When I looked at this man in the eyes, I thought he was going to be my forever. For six years, I thought I had everything planned out. He was my comfort, my best friend, and what I thought to be my soul mate.
Things change. We grow; sometimes that means in separate directions and at different speeds. It's easy to forget who you are as an individual and to put all your efforts into maintaining the relationship when you're in love.
We were at completely different places in our lives. Our values began to change. The decision that I had made became so clear to me then; this relationship was finally coming to an end. All the ups and downs and everything in between was coming to an end. I knew what I had to do, but at the end of the day, it didn't make things any easier.
My first love had been there through almost half of my life. He had been there while I celebrated, grieved, struggled, and grew. The first semester of my junior year being single was a life changing experience. I made my fair share of mistakes that I never had the chance to make (and learn from) in high school. I learned that trust is earned, never just given. Most importantly, I saw my self-worth as an individual. I began to finally love myself for who I was, not for who I had beside me; which was something I was in desperate need of learning.
Though I know my first love had to end, it had still been one of the greatest pains I've experienced in my lifetime. Losing someone you spoke to every day and spent countless hours, let alone years together, feels like a death. You will grieve. I've learned that it's okay and normal. No matter how hard you may try to move forward, there will be memories that will continue to take you back to what your relationship once was.
Although break-ups come with heartache and pain, I can say with complete confidence that the pain is all worth it. It has driven me to where I am now. I go with the flow of life more easily, spend more time with friends, and have realized the importance of being independent. I never thought I would be okay when this relationship came to an end. After spending six years of my life with this person, I am okay. I am living my life. I am continuing to work towards my dreams and goals.Through all the sadness I have faced with the end of my relationship, I have found a new happiness with myself that I never had before.
I will never say I regret my first love and the time I invested in the relationship. I have learned so much about life, love, and myself that I could have never seen otherwise. It has helped me grow into the woman I am becoming each and every day. My first love will always have a space in my heart. After everything, I still wish this person the best that life can offer.
I still don't know what the recipe is for a broken heart. I will always have moments of sentimentalism for the memories I have shared with this human being. But, the main advice that I can give is to keep moving forward and looking at the future, not the past; for it can no longer serve you.
My first love was not my last love; but, that's okay. This is one chapter of many in my life that are a part of who I am. It took the end of my first love to begin the love I have for myself. And for that, I am forever grateful.
