"Too fat."
"Too skinny."
"Too wide."
"Too slim."
"Too short."
"Too tall."
It is all too much.
Since when did having a thigh gap or being able to pull off a crop top become the end-all to whether or not a person should be respected and cared for? Since when has calling someone a "twig" made them feel better about the way they look? Since when did we decide we all needed to look exactly the same to be worthy of some sort of love or approval?
With bikini season in full swing, even I fall victim to spending long moments in the mirror wishing I could change things about my body- the way it is shaped, the color, all of the pointy or rounder edges that just don't look like all the magazines say they should.
Instagram makes it no better.
If you looked at my feed right now, it is full of athletic women that I place on pedestals as "goals," or models that are probably wearing tons of makeup even in their more "natural" shots. In a society glued to constant reminders of how we should look, what we should eat, what we should wear, etc- it is hard not to fall to what we consider "short" to what society says is the "best figure" or "look."
Did you know that about 91% of women are unhappy with their bodies and turn to dieting to achieve their ideal body shape? More than 1/3 of "normal" diets are said to evolve into pathological dieting. About 25% of those will suffer from a partial or full-on eating disorder, and eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of all mental illnesses.
These numbers are not okay.Someday I hope to have a daughter. The fear of her one day coming to me crying about the way she looks is something that I know will shatter my heart to pieces. I want her, and every person reading this, to know no matter the age, color, size, or height you are- it is 100% okay to not look like the fitness models in magazines. You are 100% beautiful in the skin God put you in.
Here are 6 tips to help you see yourself, and others, in a more positive perspective:
1. Start giving compliments on more than just outward appearances.
Tell your best friend she is smart. Tell your brother he can move mountains with the compassion he possesses. Tell your parents what a difference them being here makes, and tell your classmate they look like they are absolutely glowing when they are radiating joy. Being called beautiful is wonderful, but dare to be extraordinary on the inside, too. It is far too easy to come off as lovely on the outside- show people how incredible they (and you) are internally. That outshines outer beauty to me, any day.
2. Stop spending so much time on social media/reading magazines.
It doesn't matter how fast Kim K lost all that pregnancy weight, it doesn't matter how all of your sorority sisters look in a bikini compared to you, it doesn't matter how many likes you got when you spent hours to get your hair and makeup done just to snap a picture to post. There is nothing wrong with a little bit of social media, and there is nothing wrong with taking the time to do your hair and makeup- but don't make it a " must " to feel good about yourself. Appreciate the times you look good all dolled up, and appreciate the other times when your skin feels like it can breathe and your hair is up in a messy bun.
3. Create a routine that promotes healthy body image.
If working out feels good to you, then work out. If it doesn't, then find something else that does. I used to work out every single day, and it wore my body down. When I wouldn't see the results that I wanted immediately, it's almost like my body shaming got worse. On the days I couldn't make it to the gym, I would beat myself up for not "taking care of my body."
About half a year ago, I got into yoga and was blessed with all of the mental, physical, and emotional benefits that come with it. It teaches you how to find your center, and love where you are at right now in life- not where your goal weight/appearance is at. Now I know that taking care of my body sometimes means working out, eating healthy, and pushing it; then other times it means laying in bed and eating cheese puffs all day until the bag is empty...
It's really all about self love. It's about finding a balance and not being upset with yourself when you don't do everything 100% according to plan.
4. Surround yourself with positive influences.
The sorority I am a part of has one week dedicated to ending body shaming called "fat talk free week," and during this week, some of my sisters chalked campus with positive quotes and filled our bathroom with positive sticky notes to promote healthy body image. Having girls around me that believe we are way more than just our appearance definitely has helped me, and the same goes for friends who encourage me to do things that will make me feel good about my body. For example, my friend Hannah and I spent one Monday doing stadiums, then hiking Clark Creek, then making up for all the lost calories by eating a 12 count at Chick fil a with large fries (and fruit on the side, ya know, because health). When you have people that are constantly comparing your appearances, or are harping over pictures that they look better than you in- it is probably time to start hanging around new people, or at least spending less time focusing your energy on those who make you feel bad about yourself.
If a boy doesn't like you because you aren't "thick" enough, or because you don't fit in a size 0 pair of pants: forget him. If a girl doesn't like you because your abs don't show after eating a few chicken nuggets, or she thinks you "could use some meat on your bones," then she isn't really worth your attention anyway.
5. Use affirmations.
It's easy to say we will love ourselves and we will strive to be better when we are leaving the gym, or just ate a whole cantaloupe- or really any time we are feeling good about our bodies.
But what about the times when you come home from eating at your grandmas and you feel so bloated that you don't even want to leave the house? What about when you are trying to get dressed to go out for the night and the clothes you put on just aren't accentuating all the "right curves," if you know what I mean?
I love writing quotes from my favorite stars/authors about positive self image (a.k.a any Beyonce lyrics to remind myself how fierce fierce-ish I am) in dry erase marker on my mirrors. I also find pinning up sweet letters/reminders from loved ones helps me on my worst days, too, to remember I am so much more than just a number on a scale or an angle in my reflection.
6. Appreciate all the cool things your body does for you that isn't appearance related.
Let's not even talk about appearance anymore- lets talk about how extremely lucky we are to even have a body that allows us to do so many amazing things. Just breathing alone is such a gift; being able to walk or talk or jump are things we so often and so easily take for granted.
I have a sister with Muscular Dystrophy who is absolutely beautiful, on the inside and out, who never goes a day taking for granted what God has blessed her with, even if it is considered different from the "norm" of other girls her age. When God looks at His creation, He doesn't pick and choose favorites based on what their outsides look like- He loves you unconditionally and only cares about what your heart looks like.
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well."
-Psalm 139:14
(Statistics used in this article are from: https://www.dosomething.org/us/facts/11-facts-abou...)
