Every year around Christmastime, I find myself listening to Sara Groves’ “To Be with you.” The song has every element I feel I relate to. Although my family is small, it captures every piece the song has to offer. The song never says who “you” is in the song, but I guess that is left up to the listener.
I never put much thought into the fact that you aren’t here, I never put much thought into the empty seat, but I always registered the reality. It is the holidays, and we all have an empty seat.
Christmastime has always been my favorite time of year. The Italian dishes are delicious, the season is filled with giving, but, more than all of those, family time during the holidays is priceless and without equivalent replacement. Regardless of the memories that take place outside of the holiday season, the ones that do take place during the holiday season are filled with a warmth unable to be reversed.
Christmas Day is upon us and the table is set, but there is an empty seat. “Who did we forget to invite?” someone questions. The truth is that no one was left uninvited but rather there is no longer someone to fill that seat. I understand that everyone misses their loved one every other day of the year, but the holidays send us through a maze of turmoil. There isn’t much to say about the loss that occurs within our bodies around the holidays because of the empty seat. Nevertheless, songs to ring in the holiday season leave scars of nostalgic days with her, with him.
Day in and day out I can guarantee you think about them, small things they might like, memories, whatever it might be. We go through the days surviving without them and we put the feelings we will encounter for the holiday season without them. Once the season is here, it is too late to strategize a plan to counteract how we feel. It is too late.
I will never understand the endless hurt family members inflict on each other. I have seen it first hand and it does not register with me as practical. Where are the apologies? Where is the sincerity? “I love you” is not the same thing and letting years go by is wasteful. This happens in every family and it is not uncommon. I look at the situation with emotion and relentlessly am dumfounded as to why families allow this to happen. I do not understand, I do not comprehend. My emotions rise and I picture her. I picture him. Nana, Poppy Rhiney. I see them and I replay the Christmases they attended, I want them back. They now have empty seats and no matter how hard I try their empty seat cannot be filled, yet all around me are families that are split into two. They are two bodies of opposites. Why? We don’t control the future, and we sure do not control who will be replaced with an empty seat.
This Christmas season more than ever, remember to hug and kiss those you love, say your apologies to those who matter regardless of years gone by, words that have been said, or hurtful feelings. Change the demeanor of that relationship and fill the empty seats of the people can fill them.
