"If our love is only a will to possess, it's not love." - Thich Nhat Hanh
Sometimes your significant other is protective of you. They want you to be safe when you go out alone and they will tell off anyone who hurts you. This can be a very attractive quality for a lot of people. On the other hand, sometimes they're possessive. They won't let you go out alone and will do just about anything short of killing to someone who hurts you. People get protectiveness and possessiveness confused because there is a very thin line between them.
If your significant other "won't let you" go out alone, this is possessiveness. It is one thing for them to want you to be safe when you're going out with your girlfriends or guy friends but it's another story when they tell you that you can't go out with your friends. People have friends, it's normal and healthy. What isn't normal and healthy is to spend all your time with your significant other.
If your significant other tells you you're spending too much time with family, that's possessiveness. If they dislike their family it doesn't mean you have to! Just because they don't have a good relationship with their parents doesn't mean you shouldn't. If you have a healthy relationship with your family, keep it that way. The significant other is trying to take you away from your family and have you to themselves.
If your significant other tells you that you cant talk to people of the opposite sex or keeps tabs on your phone, thats possessiveness. It's healthy to have friends, even friends of the opposite sex. It's normal for people to get jealous sometimes but they need to trust you. If they keep tabs on your phone or ask for all your passwords this is possessiveness. They need to give you the same amount of trust you give them.
Finally, if your significant other gives you an ultimatum ("If you break up with me I'll hurt you/myself"), leave them. This is all part of a manipulative game. If you're honestly scared they'll hurt you, talk to the authorities about it. Do not give into this manipulation. Chances are, it's not true.
In the end, if you think your significant other is possessive, they have probably been manipulating you (or trying to) the whole time you've been together. This is a type of emotional abuse and it needs to be treated as such. You wouldn't stay with someone who hit you, would you? So why stay with someone who is emotionally abusing you. Most importantly, love yourself first and do what's best for you.
