Dating in today's society can be tricky — however, limiting your opposite sex friends isn't. I understand that no one wants to be the person who ditches their friends while in a relationship, but sometimes that relationship is more important than the girl who texts you when you and your partner are fighting.
If you still don't agree with me, here are some reasons why it isn't OK.
1. You are probably keeping it secret.
Let’s be honest here, you probably aren’t being open about talking to Becky or Billy to your significant other because we all know that would be a problem. Relationships have to have trust in them in order to maintain the balance. Once you off-center that by talking to someone else (even if it’s harmless) everything you say or do will be put in question by your significant other. And let’s be real, those texts you exchange are probably deleted before you see your partner or you changed your password, hoping they don’t ask why. I think cheating technically starts when you start feeling the need to hide things.
2. They will most likely catch feelings.
The number one rule in life is that everyone, at some point, will want something they can’t have; and sadly your girl or guy counts. But think about it, how do you normally become attracted to someone? By talking to them daily, by laughing with them, by sharing and/or talking about our days with them. You essentially begin a bond with them, you look forward to their text messages and hearing if he/she got the job promotion. As innocent as that sounds, the flip side is that you get so comfortable with them that you may not be as open about the "not so sunny" parts of your relationship.
3. Number two also counts if your secret friendship is with an ex.
I shouldn’t even have to say this but...if it’s your ex QUIT IT NOW! What are you doing? By letting them back into your life, you are in a way telling them, “Hey, welcome back to potential land!” No! They know you way too well for you two to ever be just “friends.” They will think every laugh means something and of course you’ll be open about your relationship problems because you feel so comfortable with them. Then BOOM! They think they have left ‘Ex-ville’ and problems will arise.
4. Investing your time in someone else.
One of the key factors of any relationship is investing time in them. As stated above, you talk every day, you see each other often and share daily adventures (whether in-person or even just in texts). But what you are doing is putting time into someone else; making them feel special and meaningful to you and sometimes that’s misconstrued and seen as flirting. Let’s be honest: you wouldn’t want to think of your significant other making someone else feel special, so why should you? You are giving a piece of yourself to someone else, a piece that your partner should have. Not some guy or girl that you are just friends with. When you are with someone, you should want them to have every part of you and not risk giving someone else a part of you that could end up destroying your relationship.
5. “We started as friends too!”
How many times have you heard someone say this to you directly or a friend tell you this about their partner? And usually we just brush it off but let’s be honest, it holds more power than we like to give it credit. You and your partner both began as two friends who one day realized you had more in common than most friends do and decided to go into a deeper relationship. So, it's only natural if your partner feels threatened by another person because no one else should be on that comfort level with you. Today, people don't care if you're "taken" in a relationship or not — we live in a generation of hook-ups and homewreckers.
6. An emotional affair.
Whether you like the word "affair" or not, you are engaging in one. Other terms for affair: romance, flirtation, fling, involvement. Do I even need to continue? You wouldn’t want your significant other doing any of that with anyone else so why are you? What makes this less damaging than a full on physical affair? You are doing the same thing, but without the sexual relations (and sex doesn't define a relationship). So it’s still an affair. You begin to anxiously await their texts, to hear about their day and even to see if their night got better from the day before. They easily become someone that you can’t go without talking to and they tend to be who your mind goes to when you and your partner are fighting, working, or maybe traveling and the two of you don't have much time to talk. Which goes pack to emphasis number five.
7. Someone will get hurt.
Whether you intend to do it or not, someone is going to get hurt. Maybe even multiple people. You have three scenarios:
a. You hurt your partner.
They find out that you are talking to someone else less than a significant other but more than a friend and that damages your trust. OR, they decide to end your relationship which hurts them because they really cared.
b. You hurt the other person.
You realize that you don’t need to be talking to anyone else on the level you’ve been texting them and so you end your weird friendship-y "thing."
c. You hurt yourself.
Whether you lose your significant other or the other person, you are getting hurt (you should’ve thought of that, honestly). You are either going to lose someone that you are in a committed relationship with and have bonded with on multiple levels. OR, you are losing a person you felt was a dear friend and that sucks and hurts you. Sometimes you might even lose both people so that would be even worse and really hurt you because you’d have no one left.
