It was the last thing that I would’ve expected. If someone had put up her and 10 other people in a lineup and asked me to pick the one out, she would’ve been one of the last I would’ve even considered. I always knew her as joyful. Vibrant. Full of life. Even today at times I wonder how someone so soulful could harbor something so dark and deep and painful inside of them.

I hadn’t really had any experiences with depression myself. No one in my family had ever dealt with it (or at least no one that I was close to). None of my friends had ever struggled with it (again, at least none that were most dear to me). I knew only the most rudimentary information about depression, and even now I don’t necessarily know all the intricacies on the clinical side of things.

When I learned that my girlfriend had been diagnosed with depression (and anxiety too, as the metaphorical cherry on top), I was more surprised than anything. Here was a person caught in the middle. She wasn’t ragingly popular in high school (neither was I), but she was involved. She was active. She had played softball. She was a part of the school theatre department as well as the high school choir and loved every minute of it. She had a good, strong group of friends around her. She was outgoing. She was bold. She was happy.

So how could someone so vivacious continuously deal with something equivocated so earnestly with sadness?

I was struck by this odd juxtaposition while watching Netflix’s “Stranger Things” this past week. For those unfamiliar with the series (and it’s one which I highly recommend taking a look at) the residents of the fictional Hawkins, Indiana deal with a number of “strange things” that begin to happen in their town, most notably an adjacent, dark dimension which they call the “Upside Down.” This other realm runs parallel to the normal Hawkins, but is more grotesque and twisted in its appearance. Slimy tendrils coat trees and buildings in the Upside Down and horrific creatures lurk preying on fear and weakness.

In a somewhat modern Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde interpretation I thought that the Upside Down actually presented itself as a compelling metaphor for depression. The stereotypical idea of depression being regulated to “those emo weirdos” and the Trench Coat Mafia is an antiquated and dangerous one. Depression isn’t something that only rears its head in the darkest of us, but sometimes in the brightest and most unsuspecting.

It isn’t always easy, my girlfriend’s depression. There are some days when she’s her usual self. Her most lively. Her most at ease. These days are amazing. They’re days that I wouldn’t trade in for anything. Days where she teases me and jokes with me and tousles my hair and smiles and kisses me fervently.

The other days are the ones that are the toughest. Days where she doesn’t text, doesn’t call, or does so infrequently. Days where she puts on a front and smiles through the pain, but I know that it’s eating her up inside. Days where she doesn’t joke or tease. The life doesn’t leave her eyes (it never does), but there is a shift. Everything is a little more upside down.

I do my best to be there for her in both instances. It’s easy when she’s feeling good. We laugh at the stupidest of jokes, as if we’re the only two that matter in the world and not just another pair of souls ambling through life. It’s not so easy on the tough days. I try to cheer her up. Act my goofiest. Tell her stories. Anything to move that frown to a smile. It hurts though. It pains me that she’s so pained. It hurts.

Yet, I know that however bad I might feel, she must be feeling it ten times worse. She’s been dealing with this for the better part of a year. Me? Only a handful of months. So I do my best to be strong and to lead her back across the rift, back to where we’re happiest.

It’s not always easy, but all of it’s worthwhile. She’s worthwhile. Sometimes the rockiest road is the most fulfilling. Darkness can manifest itself in unexpected places. Sometimes it comes in corporeal shape. Sometimes it’s inside of us. There is no one-size-fits-all face for depression. Be aware. Be vigilant. Learn someone else’s story. You never know what you might unearth.