It’s 5 o’clock in the morning and you have suddenly woken from a deep sleep. You feel confused and even a little unsettled. All that surrounds you is darkness except for a small portion of light shining on your curtain from your neighbors back deck, but it’s not enough to see anything around you. You can’t see, but you still strain your eyes trying to find the slightest glimpse of an object. You wait for your eyes to adjust, but all you see are swirls of colors brought on by the darkness. Suddenly, you become aware of the pounding in your ears that seems to be louder in silence. You want to scream for someone to turn a light on. You want to send out a call for help to someone so they can pull you out of that suffocating, black hole, but you know nobody is home except you. You are alone.
This is the distressing feeling of anxiety. You feel solitary as if nobody will hear your screams for a shoulder to cry on. You feel disoriented, in a dark place that is baffling and alarming. You can’t see in a logical manner because dark thoughts are closing in around you. No matter how hard you try you cannot shake that lost feeling you have succumbed to.
Many people perceive anxiety as a matter that can be diminished altogether and there are an abundant amount of misinterpretations those who don’t have anxiety may have about those who do. There are several phrases we just don’t want to hear. Truth be told, if we could avert an attack brought on by ourselves, do you wholeheartedly believe that we would want to experience such an appalling feeling? That’s ludicrous. Who would want to be going about their day and all of a sudden feel as if the world is crashing down on them? Last time I checked, I don’t think anyone wanted that feeling. Whether it is finding out you got a bad grade on an exam, walking in on your best friend kissing your boyfriend of three years, or even feeling apprehensive for no particular reason, there are plentiful amounts of triggers that can initiate an attack and certain phrases that make matters worse.
1. “Just calm down”
Okay, let me just shut my brain off and I will go back to normal. There is so much more to an attack than “just calming down”. If it were so easy, we would be able to get ourselves in a state of mind where the attack would not occur in the first place. Instead of being told to do something, when at the time it feels as if it’s impossible to remember how to even take a breath, we need to cry, scream, whatever may be necessary to pull through. If you are wanting to help, DO NOT TELL THEM TO CALM DOWN! Sit by their side and console them. Put your arm around them and don’t say a word. Little actions go along way and when they are ready to talk again, they will. But until then, let them be as upset as they need.
2. “You’re fine”
While in many cases you really are fine, it is hard to think rationally when your emotions are so susceptible of provoking an attack. Looking past the positives and focusing on the negatives is common with someone with anxiety. “What if this” or “What if that” are conscious thoughts that may be asked; indicating that an attack may be approaching. The unknown can trigger an attack and being told “You’re fine” does not change that.
3. “It’s all in your head”
Studies have proven that those with anxiety don’t have the same wiring as those who don’t. They sweat the small stuff and worry persistently. That by no means, means it’s all in their head. Something that someone may not deem worrisome to others can cause a breakdown in someone with anxiety.
4. “Nothing I do will help you”
False. Just knowing there is someone supporting you can make a world of difference. Anxiety creates vulnerability and a sense of lonesome and sometimes all we need is a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent to. It can be hard to open up when feeling so low, but give them time to muster up the courage to do so and in due time they will.
The journey anxiety sufferers must face is a troublesome, yet beautiful one. They care passionately and pay attention to detail. They love with their giant hearts and are as strong as the big bad wolf. Yes, there may be some dark times, but what is more beautiful than someone combatting an emotional struggle having the strength to pull themselves out of an attack that moments before made life seem as if it wasn’t worth it? They have a long road ahead of them in this lifetime. It won’t always be painless and it won’t always be grueling. But with the support and encouragement of loved ones, those who are afflicted with the troubling elements of this ordeal can and WILL combat anxiety and persevere.
