I once noticed the headline of an article about a man who continued to date after he was married. I was scrolling through some social media while I was supposed to be doing homework and, being the millennial that I am, this reeled me in, distracting me from whatever responsibility I should have been doing at the time.

I read about this man who took this woman out to dinner, who made sure she knew that he thought she was beautiful, who surprised her with little things like flowers from time to time, who reminded her how he felt about her, how much he loved her and how he never let the spark go out.

At the end of the article, you find out the woman he's dating is in fact his wife. And while this article reflects a slightly antiquated idea of a relationship (i.e. that the man has to buy the woman flowers and take her out to dinner) I think it poses an important point. No matter what type of romantic relationship, whether it is heterosexual, homosexual, old or young, each partner should never stop dating the other. Whether it is a five month relationship or a 50 year relationship, you should never stop dating. You should never stop trying.

While some may love the comfort of being in a long term relationship, others may miss that initial excitement or spark the start of something new carries. Even if it means having those nervous butterflies, and waking up early to brush your teeth and make yourself look presentable so when they wake up they don’t see you at your early morning troll-like appearance. The start of a new relationship is that awe-struck, starry eyed way you look at each other as you think “Wow, how did I get so lucky?” At this point, you’re looking at this person and seeing all of their wonderful qualities.

And then fast forward…months, maybe even years later. And suddenly you realize that you can’t remember the last time he tilted his head and out of nowhere just said, “You’re so beautiful” and really meant it. You can’t remember the last time you had a day where you didn’t have to worry about any other responsibilities and it was just the two of you.

And that happens. Life happens. You have jobs and school and family and friends. You can’t always help if you can’t spend as much time with the other as you used to. That’s okay.

What isn’t okay is in these harder times, where you might see each other less, are when you don’t make up for that space. Distance can make the heart grow fonder, yes. But distance also leaves room for anxiety to enter, crippling anxiety that even the strongest of couples can’t avoid. You worry about if they’re losing interest, if they still feel the same way or not. And because maybe you’ve reached that level of comfort-ability, you’re not so apparent or vocal about your feelings anymore. Subconsciously, you stop reminding the other of what they mean to you, you stop complimenting them or telling them you miss them. You stop doing the little things because you’re too comfortable, you may even think that they’ll never leave.

The important thing is that when life gets chaotic, and things get distant, you make sure you let the other person know you still care. You have to still try, just like you did when you first met. Otherwise, the light can go out before you even get a chance to save it.