By the time I had committed to the college of my choice, I was immediately ready to be there, and to have what I thought would be the start-over of a lifetime. My excitement and impatience easily outweighed my anxiety about the major change. As I am a creature of habit, almost to a point of fault, it was unusual for me to feel so optimistic towards such a remarkably large transition.
I could go on for hundreds of pages in praise of the gorgeous campus and invaluable community that make up the institution I now call home, but, instead, let’s examine that expression for just a moment. To call a place “home”, insists upon a certain sense of comfort and familiarity in one’s location and in one’s niche within that location. Home does not become home at the simple drop of the hat, or at the change of a zip code, or even in the purchase or lease of a place to live. Home becomes home when home becomes habit. Habits, for a person like me, provide happiness, though that happiness exists generally only in the relative short-term.
Having almost lost my college about a year and a half ago, I reflect more and more frequently on the journey it took for me to end up here in the first place, and I realize, had I not been at least a bit disenchanted with my high school habits, had I not been looking forward to something different, I would not have found the place where I now relish in residing.
Because I know I am nowhere near as ready to leave this home as I was ready to break free from the last, I have been trying to emotionally prepare myself for the leap from luxury I will be taking after the day of my all the more quickly impending graduation. I’ve been attempting to change my habits. And attempt could not be a more appropriate word, because in most aspects of intentionally shifting habits, I have been failing. I still eat an incredibly carb-centric diet, deal with the repercussions of that by frequently napping, procrastinate exorbitant amounts of homework, and have a bit too much fun with my weekends. To be quite honest, I am generally content with most of my lifestyle, despite the glaring flaws. It seems as though the more I try to fight the habits, the harder it becomes to think of leaving them, as if the changes would not be for any benefit in my current point.
So the question remains, to you and I both, is there ever a true break in the cycle of habit? Or is it always a continuous cycle that will always be somewhat out of our hands? And if it is out of our hands, is any of it truly habitual at all?
